The Golden Rule

I'm not very religious but I always taught my kids the Golden Rule, and I'm always proud when they make the choice to do unto others as they would wish others to do unto them. I think every "social" political issue we seem to endlessly debate these days can be solved with this simple rule for empathy, kindness and consideration. If that's the kind of world you want to live in. 

For example, I've seen a lot of postings about the recent Supreme Court decisions that clearly are not governed by the Golden Rule. If we all applied the "do unto others" mentality to each situation, I really think we'd all be in agreement. Or at least closer to agreement. This is not about politics. 

1. Everyone wants to marry the person they love regardless of what someone's else's religious beliefs are or how they define traditional marriage. The Golden Rule protects each person's individual rights: the one person's right to marry AND the other person's right to hold opposing religious beliefs and marriage traditions.

2. Everyone wants to have access to the medical care they need regardless of how economically or politically disastrous someone else thinks the current Affordable Care Act legislation might be. I've always believed that if health care were as evolved in the 1700's as education was, the Founding Fathers would have created a comparable health care system to go along with public education. What's life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness if you're sick or dead? 

3. Everyone wants a safe place to live in which they can thrive and grow. Whether it's housing or immigration, we could certainly all benefit from stepping back, taking a deep breath, and applying the Golden Rule to these situations in particular. Shelter is one of our most basic life needs, and the pursuit of a better way of life in another land is largely how our country was populated. 

4. Women want privacy over their reproductive organs. We teach body ownership to children where I work, and I'm appalled every time a law is passed that gives someone else a right to make body ownership decisions for women in this country. It's crazy outrageous. It's 3rd world  oppression like stuff. A women's right to choose is basic Golden Rule and in no way infringes on another person's right to care for children living in a dangerous situation that calls for assistance. There are many, many children in these kinds of situations who need help desperately. Now. 

5. Workers want a living wage; women want equal pay. As human beings, we should really be insisting on the application of the Golden Rule in these situations in particular.  These inequalities have been formed and continue to exist as a result of decisions being made by corporate boards and shareholders as opposed to individual human beings capable of empathy and the application of the Golden Rule. We have too many resources in this country not to ensure that workers are paid a wage that allows them to exist above the poverty line. 

One important thing to keep in mind: living by the Golden Rule often involves not only opening your mind and stepping into someone else's shoes in order to be able to apply the rule, it also involves a willingness to pay to ensure it can become a reality. It's not enough to feel sorry for the marginalized or vocally champion the disenfranchised. You've also got to take your vote of confidence into the voting booth.  Charity costs money. 

Everyone Can Bowl For Kids' Sake!

I think bowling's making a comeback. If you're one of those people, like my dad, who still bowls several times a week, you probably haven't wondered why people don't bowl so much anymore, but if you're like the rest of America, you'll understand what I mean. 

When I was a kid, I was surrounded by avid bowlers. My parents and grandparents and many of their friends bowled. I have bowling day-care memories that involve intense feelings of joy and freedom when I was finally let loose to roam the alley versus being handed over to the frizzy haired, chain smoking childcare lady behind a white, wooden half-door with squeaky hinges. I spent hours running from one end of the alley to another with my friends, to the thunder of bowling balls crashing down onto the lanes, hitting pins, a cacophony of my childhood. 

When I was 18, I moved into an apartment in Universal City, Texas down the street from a bowling alley with a dance club/bar attached to it called Billy Dans. No one had ever taught me how to bowl, but dancing came naturally!  It seems like only yesterday that I was sipping on a Ladies-3-for-one-night rum and coke to the tunes of "Into the Groove" and "Careless Whisper" without a care in the world.  Ah, the 80's. 

Me and the Trekkies

In March 1995 I worked my first Big Brothers Big Sisters bowling fundraiser in Oklahoma City with a bunch of competing teams of "Trekkies."  These people thought that everything was more fun if you're wearing a Star Trek costume and bowling was no exception. Few team themes have lived up to this one since. 

The following year I "worked league lanes" for 2 months at a different bowling alley every night, which involved trying to fervently persuade hundreds of (mostly older) men to take a promotional bowling towel in exchange for a promise to raise $50 for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I got hit on. A lot. I didn't realize that 95% of these guys had heard the spiel dozens of time in the past and had every intention of participating. But not without making me work for it. It was my first BBBS right of passage. Anything for charity, right? 

The reason I think that bowling is making a comeback is because of all the new bowling centers like  Bowlero opening up across the country. These swanky new centers feature restaurants,  full bars, plush seating, complex lighting schemes and even fancy bowling shoes.  I went to one in Phoenix that served bacon wrapped filet mignon and pecan encrusted asparagus. This is a new and different kind of bowling center, but it clearly points to a demand for more bowling opportunities.  While the Big Brothers Big Sisters Bowl For Kids Sake event may not feature gourmet food, it will result in the making of more life changing one to one mentoring relationships for at risk youth.  

This event takes place at Bandera Bowl in San Antonio, where we have been going for over 15 years.  No other center in town can top their awesomely charitable prices, which means that we can raise more money for the kids!  This year marks my 20th Bowl for Kids' Sake event and my kids and Littles and I still have fun every year.  I hope they will have lots of fond memories to look back on when they are older.  

There are 3 main reasons why I love Bowl For Kids Sake, and why you will too:  

This team wore high heels to BFKS

1.  Anyone can have a good time bowling:  At our event you don't even have to actually bowl, you can just eat free pizza,  drink beer, win prizes and watch everyone else bowl. Also, if you're really bad at it, we can get the bumper lanes up for you. 

2.   It's easier than a lot of other fundraisers to raise money. It's only $100, so you can get 10 people to give you $10 and you're done.  My youngest daughter's stuffed rabbit Bramble, our honorary Bowling Team Captain, once raised $250 and he is not even actually alive. 

3.  All the money raised is unrestricted funding to match any kid on the Big Brothers Big Sisters waiting list. There are over a thousand kids on that list, waiting for the phone to ring telling them that we have found the mentor for them.  This event makes that happen for over 100 kids! 

Peacock Pin

Also, another bonus reason to participate is the annual Pin Decorating Contest.  This is an opportunity to take on old beat up bowling pin given to us by the bowling alley and transform it into your creative, artistic masterpiece.  I am not personally creative myself, but I still have a bowling pin lamp in my office made by Zachry Holdings a few years ago - it's pretty impressive.  

The following are a few of my favorite pictures from the event over the years!  Come on out and be a part of matching the next new Little Brothers and Little Sisters!  There are shifts on June 26 & 27 or September 26 & 27 to choose from.  Click HERE to learn all about how to sign up as a team or an individual, tips on fast, easy fundraising, info on all the prizes you can win, and how to get the new mobile app.  

If you're inclined to donate to me and my Little Sister, Destiny, click here: http://goo.gl/TJJ5wD

Finally, please watch and share our new PSA here!  

The Ritas on The River team members show off their pin

Dude Looks Like a Lady:  the male makeover contest

Hula Hoop Contest winners

The Limbo

Look how excited these bowlers are! 

Best tattoo contest

Wing eating contest

Throwing out the first ball

We are ready! 

My daughter and my Little Brother Chris

          Bramble

8 Lies and A Truth

I keep seeing the silliest things posted by people in my social media streams. So, at the risk of perpetuating these ridiculous ideas, here are 8 lies and one truth: 

1. Some Americans object to flying the US flag: FALSE

This is either BS or an isolated episode of idiocy

The US flag is not banned in the US.  Anywhere.  Americans love the US flag and have no objections to flying it anywhere, anytime. We adore the flag.  Check out our Facebook timelines on Flag day, Veteran's day, Memorial day, Independence day etc.  Also, HOA's are usually older people who really, really love the flag.

2. School children are no longer allowed say the pledge: FALSE

This is probably not your child, but if it is, you have a cool child.

American school children still say the pledge in school all across America. If you think they don't - at the school down the street from you for example, call them. I had to do this to prove it to my meme-gullible 12 year old daughter last year. Not only is the pledge said in schools, it's said at all kinds of events, from sports to award ceremonies to luncheons. Now, I have never heard it said in Arabic, but that would be pretty cool too. 


3. People do not support the troops: FALSE

It's not so much this picture that is misleading as it is all the stupid comments on it.  The insinuation is that people  don't respect the sacrifice our troops make.  I'm fairly certain that the American people overwhelmingly support the troops. On the other hand, disagreeing with a decision to go to war, or expressing a lack of faith in the President in any way has absolutely no relationship to supporting the troops.  Also, the average American supports the troops far more than lawmakers do if cuts to the VA are any indication.  Here is a funny video of Jimmy Dore on the troops.

4. Someone's trying to take all the guns away: FALSE

Or lengthen his penis

Ever since I read and then watched,  "Johnny Tremain" as a young flag-waving, pledge-saying elementary school child who still turned into a Democrat, I have understood the value of a militia.  But, I am unable to find any legislation anywhere that advocates the taking away of all guns from Americans.  This is pure histrionic, idiotic nonsense.  Anyone who maintains this position is either completely uninformed, or just trying to make trouble.  Any sensible American I have talked who is in no way connected to the selling and/or purchase of guns, is all in favor of sensible gun control that keeps people safe, like simple background checks.

5. People buy drugs with public assistance:  FALSE

No.

The cost of drug testing everyone on welfare would be astronomical. I cant believe that anyone is stupid enough to complain about the cost of welfare programs and then advocate to increase the cost of the programs by drug testing people.  The few states that have tried this have cost taxpayers way more money than they saved by catching a tiny, infinitesimal fraction of people testing positive. 

6.  Babies are being aborted:  FALSE

This picture is FAKE

One of the most offensive images I personally have ever seen is the one of the supposed aborted 20 week old fetus at right. I lost a baby at 20 weeks and I can assure you that my baby did not look like this, and it is hurtful to me to pretend this is realistic.  But what is even more hurtful to me about this whole situation is the thousands of youth who need help today.  For example, there are half a million kids in foster care.  I wish the pro-life protestors would all put down their signs and get involved in the life of an actual at risk child.

7.  There is a War on Christmas: FALSE

Whoever thought this up has a persecution complex

The idea that Christmas is in any kind of jeopardy is kind of hilarious except when I see awful images like this one.  The idea that a holiday or religious celebration is in any way comparable to war is just sick and sad. Rest assured, Christmas is as pervasive as the American flag, only more so.  You absolutely cannot escape Christmas if you live in the US. Ditto for the Baby Jesus and nativity scenes. Everywhere. 

8. Obama has ruined your life - FALSE

Chances are that nothing that Obama has done has directly affected your life, unless you were previously un-insurable and got health care as a result of the Affordable Care Act, in which case, Yay, you!  At a recent happy hour a group of my friends were all bitching about how Obama is the root of all evil but no one could provide me with any concrete examples.  If you really want to see who is actually ruining your life, check out an appropriations bill in your state or a city budget. 

9.  You Can't Fix Stupid:  TRUE

No explanation necessary.

Grooming the Future Workforce

I graduated high school in 1984 and I was totally clueless.  I had absolutely no idea what to do next. My parents had always talked about college but like so many kids then, and now, I didn't have access to the information and resources I needed in order to be able to develop a practical plan. I managed to stumble through (it took me 10 1/2 years to get my Bachelors degree), but there were a lot of roadblocks. Thankfully for me, the planets were mostly aligned, over time, and I made it. 

Me, clueless in 1984

Not every kid is as lucky as I was, and many of those kids have a lot more barriers to overcome than I did. I had lots of nurturing from birth to kinder. I had a perfectly adequate K-12 educational experience. I had parents with expectations and the ability to set limits and provide structure for my upbringing. I developed a love of reading from a very young age. But even in my family unit of 5 kids and 2 parents, only I and one of my brothers graduated from college. 

So, you can imagine what a challenge it is for kids without a solid foundation to even get to college much less graduate. Big Brothers Big Sisters, a century old youth development nonprofit is addressing this challenge with a new program, begun in 2008, that combines its mentoring services with career awareness and college access enhancements.  In the Workplace Mentoring Program kids are transported 1-2 times per month from their school to the workplace where they meet with their mentors. 

"The program provides valuable workplace exposure for these kids who wouldn't otherwise get this kind of experience," says Graham Weston. Weston gave the green-light back in 2008 to Rackspace's participation as one of 2 pilot sites for the new program. "Workplace mentoring helps students connect the dots between their education and career," Weston says in this video PSA shot to promote the workplace mentoring program in 2012.

The pilot Rackspace 7th grader group

Rackspace and Chase Bank were the pilot companies that allowed employees to use their lunch hours to mentors kids, but over 40 other local companies were quick to follow the lead. 

"These kids are hungry for this kind of exposure. Being in the workplace gets their brains firing," says Steve Yates, formerly with the Chase Bank program. "The first question my Little Brother asked me when he and I met at the bank was how much money I make," Yates laughs. "That shows he's connecting the dots." 

The kids and employee volunteers usually meet as a group for the first 20 minutes of the lunch hour while they eat. Then there may be a group activity or one that pairs them off.  "We try to make sure there is some one to one time for each match at every visit," says Clare McCoy, Director of Site Based Programs for Big Brothers Big Sisters. "Kids need that individual attention, and volunteers need the bonding time."  

School administrators praise the program. Sherry Nichols, Head Counselor of Garcia Middle School in Northside ISD says, "Mentors empower students to see into the future and believe that they can achieve greatness with their mentor by their side." Garcia 6th & 7th graders are matched with mentors from NuStar Energy. 

The primary purpose of any of Big Brothers Big Sisters' programs is the development of a trusting mentoring relationship, but another important focus of the workplace mentoring program is to encourage kids to dream big and aspire to college and career. Students and volunteers work on a "post high school plan" throughout the time they are in the program.  

A Roosevelt grad with her Racker Big

The first graduates of the program were Rackspace supported kids out of Roosevelt High School last year who started out at Ed White Middle School.  Seven of the original 15 kids stayed in the program until graduation and all were college bound. 

Graduating this year are Edison High School students who will be cheered on by their "Bigs" from Linebarger Goggan Blair Sampson, LLC.  "Our team loved being involved with this workplace mentoring program with the support of BBBS. We encourage other small and medium sized businesses to join us. It empowered our staff while making an impact on kids who needed a little of our time and attention," says Carri Baker Wells, Chief Operations Officer at Linebarger. 

Students arriving at Linebarger

Big Brothers Big Sisters has a Big Vision for this program. "There's no reason why any workplace can't do this," says Julio Manso, EVP, Human Resources, who is a Big Brother in the Clear Channel Outdoor/iHeartMedia workplace mentoring program. "Over time we can help bring this program to businesses all over San Antonio," he continues. 

Christina Martinez, VP of External Relations for Big Brothers Big Sisters, thinks the program could be a statistical game changer for the community: "The metric we're going to keep an eye on is the number of adults in SA with bachelors degrees (currently 24%). We think this program can move that needle over time." 

On May 27th, Big Brothers Big Sisters will hold it's first Workplace Mentoring Luncheon Celebration Luncheon. The event will be held at the El Tropicano Hotel at noon.  Tables are being sold for $1000 and up. Individual tickets are $50.  Emceeing the event are Carri Baker Wells and Harriett Marmon Helme, Director of Client Services, Covenant. Mayor Ivy Taylor will present awards and students and mentors will speak about their experience in the program, including Bobby Perez, Senior Vice President, General Counsel & corporate Relations for of Spurs, Sports & Entertainment.   

Students at Linebarger, Goggan, Blair, Sampson, LLC.

Lackland Littles

A MetLife match

Leal Middle School

Rackspace pilot group as graduating seniors

Tesoro match birthday celebration

Me, less clueless in 1994

For Lacey: I'm So Proud of You, Graduate!

Lacey Allison

I can say with certainty that time flies, because this little girl is graduating from college today! I'm hardly able to believe it, since I can picture her as a baby like it was yesterday, but what a lovely young woman she has blossomed into! 

I'm so proud of Lacey Barkhurst! Tonight I will watch her walk the stage at Texas State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Theatre with a concentration in design! I'm proud of her for so many things, not the least of which is that she still finished in 4 years after doing her first year at A&M Galveston as a marine biology major. That first year made it clear to her that she had to follow her dreams. It took a lot of hard work, but she did it! 

I'm also proud of her for getting such good grades! As a mother, it's pretty gratifying to see your kid make the Dean's list over and over again and graduate Magna Cum Laude! Lacey Rocks! 

But I'm most proud of the person she is. Lacey is one of the nicest, kindest, happiest, most loving, caring people I know. She's always smiling, and everyone loves her for her generosity and spirit. She gets along with everyone.  She's helpful and thoughtful.  All the time! I wish I was more like her! ;) 

She told me once that it was hard to follow in the genius footprints of her older sister, Ariel, but she should know today that she more than filled those shoes. And I have no doubt that she will go on to pursue and achieve all of her hopes and dreams and plans in life. And even if there are hardships along the way, she will weather them well. 

So to my Bunny today: Congrats and I love you! You're an inspiration to everyone. I made this VIDEO out of over 500 pictures taken since you were born. I could have put a thousand in it, but restrained myself. ;)  XOXOXO

Love, Mom

The Announcement!

Millions in Hours!

One year ago over 400 San Antonio nonprofit organizations came together to raise over $2 million dollars in 24 hours! It was epic. In less than a week, we are going to do it again, only much bigger! 

A Big Check!

Who doesn't want to be a part of raising millions of dollars in hours?  That's what is going to happen on May 5th, 2015 for The Big Give SA. At a press conference earlier this week, Scott McAninch, Executive Director of The San Antonio Nonprofit Council, one of the lead organizers of the event, made these huge announcements:

• 883 nonprofits are registered this year!
• $713,250 has been raised in prize money!
• The new 2015 goal is to raise $4 million!  

Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Texas is thrilled to participate for the 2nd year and we have set a $20,000 goal for our agency. Last year we raised almost $7,000 from 128 donors, over half of which were new donors! Over the past year we took all of our donors on a "Match-Making Journey" describing the process involved in recruiting, screening, training, and supporting 6 volunteers with the kids were matched them to. 

Big Give "Bigs and Littles" at a Spurs game!

We are hosting a Big Give Party at the Big Brothers Big Sisters office downtown on May 5th, but there are lots of ways to participate in The Big Give without even leaving your home or office.  We especially hope that all the friends and family of Big Brothers Big Sisters come out BIG for this event.  No matter how you participate, any amount you donate can make a huge impact on the life of a child.  Here's how you can help:

• Donate online 12 am to 12 pm on May 5th. The minimum donation is only $10. Help us win prize money for The Most Donors. 
• If you're a Big Brother or Big Sister we hope you'll donate and show your Little Brother or Little Sister "How to Give."
• If you're a Parent, we invite you to donate $10 in Honor of your child's Big Brother or Big Sister. 
• If you're a 2014 Big Brothers Big Sisters Big Give Donor we hope you've been inspired by your Match-Making Journey over the past year to give again.  We want to give 20 more kids on our Waiting List a mentor. 
• Come to our Big Give Office Party at 202 Baltimore, downtown. We will have music, games, face painting and a food truck. The Magik Theatre will be joining our party.  There is free parking too. 
• Look for us on Social Media and Like and Share this opportunity from our posts on Facebook (BigBrothers BigSisters), Twitter (@bbbsst), Instagram (@bbbsst), YouTube (TEXASBIGMENTOR) and other platforms. 

Remember, you don't have to make a big donation, but please go online and give. Last year we proved that a lot of people giving a little donation made a huge impact! 

As a board member of the San Antonio Nonprofit Council I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the awesome support of the following donors for providing underwriting and prize money for The Big Give:  

• The Mays Family Foundation
• The Tesoro Foundation
• The John and Florence Newman Foundation
• The Genevieve and Ward Orsinger Foundation, and 
• The San Antonio Area Foundation 

See you on May 5th! 

Not a Walk in the Park

Meet Manuel:  A sweet, respectful and enthusiastic young boy.  At first glance he looks a lot like other boys his age, but when you talk to his teachers you hear a different story.  “When it’s time to focus on school work, he just shuts down. There has been a progressive decline throughout the year. It’s getting worse as we prepare for the STARR test, and Manuel is dangerously close to repeating his 6^th grade year.”

Alexandra, also in the 6^th grade, has a crush on a fellow classmate and lives with her dad.  She recently experienced a disastrous reunion with her birth mother.  Her single father says, “I worry about her lack of strong female role models.”

Over the past year, MJ went from a child to adolescent with major voice changes, shocking growth spurts, and a relentless interest in the opposite sex. He complains that his grandmother can’t afford to get him school supplies or shoes that fit and that his father has disappeared again. His teachers say that he talks too much and has an overwhelming need for attention.  His classmates complain that he gossips too much. His counselor says, “I’ve noticed a pattern of blaming others, never holding himself accountable.”  In fact, MJhas managed to push everyone away this past year, and now, at the end of his first year of middle school, MJ is friendless. 

Thankfully, these three kids all have one thing in common besides the fact that they are experiencing life challenges:  They have Big Sisters.   

Volunteers Jenica, Sylvia and Sonia all work at QVC, one of 40 companies that host the Big Brothers Big Sisters Workplace MentoringProgram each month.   They are part of a group of 17 mentors at QVC who have stepped up to help kids connect the dots between their education now and their career later.   But they are first and foremost, friends. 

“Jenica is super sweet with a really big heart. I’ve seen her get weepy-eyed over Manuel’s’ struggles. You can tell she thinks the world of him,” says Megan McLeod, Big Brothers Big Sisters Match Support Specialist.   “Sylvia, Alexandra's’s Big Sister, is a momma-bear. She has a lot of patience and is always smiling. Alexandra’s very active and a bit on the loud side, but Sylvia handles it well.”  

It's easy to see how much Megan likes and appreciates these caring adults.  “Sonia is outgoing and easy to talk with. I like talking with her because she doesn’t sugar coat or hesitate to share her opinion. She’s assertive and knows how to lay down the law with MJ when she needs to.”

At one time or another, all 3 of these Big Sisters have expressed doubts about their ability to respond to the struggles their kids are facing, and whether or not they are making a difference.  At Big Brothers Big Sisters we know, for a variety of reasons, that they absolutely are making a difference, whether they know it or not.  I wrote about a 56 year old Little Sister in January who assured her Big Sister that she was always listening.  It’s great for this long-time mentor to hear this now, but of course she didn’t know it at the time. 

One of the things we measure at Big Brothers Big Sisters is the “strength of the mentoring relationship.”  We do this because we know that it is this relationship that is the catalyst for positive youth development.  When Bigs and Littles become friends, the trust that is needed in order for a child to accept the support of a mentor falls into place.  As any parent knows, there is very little instant gratification in providing support to pre-adolescent and adolescents.  We often feel we are not reaching our kids, we worry about their future, we despair.*  So, it's really no surprise that the same thing happens with Bigs and Littles.  We see all the time in evaluations and surveys that there is a disparity between the difference the volunteers feel they are making and the reality of how the kids feel.  For example, surveys of the QVC Bigs and Littles finds that: 

• Only 92% of volunteer “Bigs” report that they are confident in handling the challenges of being a mentor, while 100% of kids report that they feel like their volunteer “Big” has good ideas about how to solve problems.
• Only 85% of Bigs feel that they have a close relationship with their Littles, while 100% of the kids report feeling close to their mentors. 

100% of kids also report that the relationship with their volunteer “Big” is important to them, and they all say that they feel safe with their Big. For us at BBBS, this is success, but we struggle to assure our volunteers that they are doing exactly what we and the kids need them to be doing.  The bottom line is that none of us had mentors who solved all of our problems for us.  Our mentors stood by us, supporting and guiding, and making us stronger and more resilient in meeting life's challenges."

QVC Bigs and Littles

We are so grateful that Manuel has Jenica in his life as he struggles with the transition to middle school and with his academics. We once asked Manuel if he was interested in having a Big Brother instead of a Big Sister and he wouldn't even hear if it.  He cant imagine losing his Big Sister.  Alexandra has said that she likes some of her teachers but can’t communicate with them like she can with Sylvia. Thank goodness she has Sylvia to confide in and talk about the tough stuff.  And we are very grateful for the rapport Sonia has developed with MJ and the fact that she is comfortable telling him it's "Time to get your act together!” And he listens! 

Mentoring at-risk kids is no walk in the park, but everyone knows that what kids need to grow up successfully is the support and guidance of caring adults. Jenica, Sylvia and Sonia, the other 14 mentors at QVC as well as 2,000 other volunteers in our program have stepped up to do just that.  We just wish they would believe us when we tell them how important and meaningful and effective their work is.    

April is Volunteer Appreciation Month, so if you know of a volunteer, especially one who mentors at risk kids, give them a shout-out!  

________________________________________________________________________

With Appreciation to Megan McLeod for her contributions to this post.  

*Maybe that's just me with my kids, I don't know.