Things I'm really gonna miss about working downtown

In 1999 when I started working at Big Brothers Big Sisters, Alamo Area at 202 Baltimore, it wasn't the greatest part of town. On the periphery of downtown, the street itself was lined with falling down and boarded up homes. Staff worried about walking to and from their cars after dark. The homeless routinely slept, urinated, and defecated on our front steps. There was a severe lack of happy hour bars or lunchtime restaurants anywhere around.  It was dismal, but we owned the building and that was an awesome advantage for a nonprofit.

Our space, fondly referred to as the "Little Building That Does Big Things*" has been wonderful for our organization. Purchased after a board capital campaign around 1994, it propelled us to grow from serving 500 kids a year to well over 3,000. But it's time to move on now because we are bursting at the seams. So, while I am SO EXCITED to move into our new space, and my morning commute is gonna be epically improved, I am really going to miss a lot of things about working downtown. I've been taking a lot of nostalgic pictures lately. 

The Riverwalk:  First and foremost I will really miss being on the edge of the famed Riverwalk. Over 11 million people visit the Riverwalk every year and its economic impact is $3 billion dollars! It's pretty awesome.  It's my favorite thing in San Antonio, and only a 15 minute walk south to the heart of the hopping downtown scene, or 20 minutes north to the Pearl along the new museum reach from the BBBS office. There's even a Rio Taxi stop a block from us at the Brooklyn Bridge. It's been great parking at the office all these years to go downtown for crowded events like Fiesta, or for any of the river parades or at Christmastime.  Sigh. I'm gonna miss that.




 
The Trop: When there was no other place to get a beer after a long day or week, there was the El Tropicano Hotel Tiki Bar right across the street. It was our Cheers Bar for years before places like The Brooklynite and Paramour started popping up all around us. And it was on the River! But even more importantly, when we began to grow out of our space The Trop really stepped up and allowed us to do trainings and staff meetings and mixers and board meetings in their space, for free! It's been almost like an extension of our building. I need to give them an award or something when we leave. They are much under appreciated. 

Guillermo's: I've had everything on the menu. Several times. It used to be housed in the YMCA, when that was right across the street from us, but now it's a block over on McCullough. Great food and a nice happy hour patio in the new location. 

The Cityscape: The lit up cityscape at night when I leave work late after dark will be missed for sure. I've taken so many pictures like this one as I'm locking the front door late after working late. 

Walking to meetings: I will miss the choice to walk to downtown meetings although in all transparency I didn't make that choice as often as I could have. ;) 

Driving by the Alamo:  Maybe I wont take it for granted any more.  :)

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 *By Little Brother Justin

Big Brothers Big Sisters' New South Texas Mentoring Resource Center To Open in September

After nearly 3 long years of planning and raising funds, Big Brothers Big Sisters is opening our new South Texas Mentoring Resource Center in September 2016!  Located in the center of town off Highway 281 near the airport, the Center will be home to nearly 50 professional Big Brothers Big Sisters staff as well as a place for all other mentoring organizations in the community to access mentoring resources.  Our mission is to provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one mentoring relationships that change their lives for the better, forever, but we have been severely limited by space constraints since 2011.  The new facility, nearly 15,000 square feet, will triple our space.  We expect the move to lead to major increases in services. 

My favorite room! 

We have been limited to working with only about 9,000 youth, parents and volunteers a year.  Our programs depend on the number of staff we can accommodate to recruit, screen, train and support volunteer mentors to pair with kids. We are excited to put the capital campaign behind us, move into the new space, and concentrate on growing the program. The demand for services is incredible and we want and need to be more responsive.

Space constraints combined with already existing funding constraints created long waiting lists for both youth and volunteers hoping to join the program.  Since 2012, thousands of volunteers and kids have waited an average of 6 months to be served. I worry all the time about the kids on the waiting list. 

Plans for the Center's Grand Opening in September are underway.  We are also launching an in depth strategic planning process to map out how we plan to go from supporting 3,000 one to one mentoring relationships each year to 30,000.  On our to-do list later this year is to visit the Miami Mentoring Resource Center to learn more.  The trip is being funded by a capacity building grant from the San Antonio Area Foundation.  I am so thrilled about the Area Foundation's faith and investment in our program! We know that too many kids today don't have access to positive, caring role models, and this is why they fail. Our new mentoring center is a big step towards the creation of a strong  community of mentoring professionals with the capacity and knowledge to tackle this problem more effectively. I cant wait to get started!  

Located in the center of town, the Center is easily accessible. 

 Mentoring relationships created according to the Elements of Effective Practice have long been proven to stop the dysfunctional cycles of failure, abuse and incarceration that plague the families  served  by organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters. There is no doubt that mentoring works.  We are very proud of the work we are already doing, but it's imperative that we bring the program to many, many more kids. 

Get Help!

With your housekeeping, of course. 

I just read yet another post from a young mom overwhelmed by parenting and housekeeping and her job. For some reason it made me remember the time a few months ago that my ex husband remarked to me, offhandedly, musingly, that his current wife "kept a cleaner house" than I ever did. The wife without a career.* The wife with one kid, a daytime nanny AND a nighttime nanny. I might have snorted out loud. 

But he's right. Our house was an absolute mess about 60% of the time, and the other 40% it only qualified as clean if you didn't look too closely. I stressed about it all the time. Probably every day. I took paid days off of work to clean it, but the work was never done. I knew it bothered him and that pissed me off too, adding to my stress. He helped a little, rinsing his dishes before putting them in the sink, transferring the occasional load of laundry from the washer to the dryer, taking out the trash. But the burden and responsibility was mine alone and we both knew it. Besides, when he "helped" he always needed recognition and praise afterwards and if I had time for that I could have just rinsed those dishes myself for the love of God.

I thought about hiring someone to help. More like fantasized, really, because we struggled with money and it seemed like such a wasteful luxury. Like I would have failed at wifehood if I resorted to that. Recently I was interviewed for a "Women in Leadership Award" and the last question the committee asked me was, "What personal advice do you have for young women today?" My immediate answer was, "Hire someone to help you clean your house."  I did not get that award, but I wholeheartedly stand by my answer.

I see young mothers struggling today, despite the fact that guys are playing much bigger roles in both child rearing and housekeeping than ever before, but we haven't come so far yet that the ultimate burden and responsibility aren't still ours. The young woman in the post link above doesn't even mention a significant other, so inside help might not even be an option for her. 

It would be useless to just tell her not to stress over the mess, because I know from personal experience how impossible it is not to. I struggled in particular with mopping the floors; I would always leave it for last, be too tired to do it, and it would just get worse. I had nightmares about one of my toddlers eating moldy (anything) she found under the table. Since I kept having kids across 14 years, it feels like I always had a toddler. 

So for what it's worth, since it's not realistic to just advise young mothers to just let the house go, my advice is to get housekeeping help. Find the money to pay for it. Tell yourself it's not a luxury, it's a necessity, and mean it. Once a week, once a month, once a quarter- anything can make a difference. If I could go back and do things differently this is one of the few things I'd change. Seriously. 

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*I'm told she does work a several days a month in my ex's law firm along with our 27 year old daughter and his law partner's niece manning the phones and files. I'm not being snarky, just annoyed that he has no recognition of how less tasked and how more well-resourced the new, improved Mrs. Barkhurst is, but that's another narcicistic story. 

What is this BIG GIG thing?

Everyone's talking about The BIG GIG, but not everyone is sure exactly what it is.
Here's the Scoop!

What is The BIG GIG?
If you participated in The Big Give, you're going to want to see The BIG GIG!  It's an SNL-type stage production of skits that pokes good-natured fun at the crazy things that are unique to the nonprofit world. The format of the event is similar to the Gridiron production put on by the San Antonio journalism community and Cornyation, a Fiesta event.

Watch the Promo:  The theme for the 2016 BIG GIG is "The Nonprofit Hunger Games."   The promo was developed pro-bono by Key Ideas to promote the event.

Who is The BIG GIG for?
Anyone connected to the nonprofit world.  The event itself is organized by the Advocacy Committee members of the Nonprofit Council in San Antonio, Texas (see below for a list of members).  There are 277 tickets available so anyone can attend and buy a $20 ticket.  Anyone can also sign up to organize a skit or participate in someone else's skit.  For example, staff at my agency and I have developed our own skit and are participating in a few others.  There are skit parts currently available. Call Denise at 210-382-8671 to be in a skit.   

When is The BIG GIG?
March 5th, 2016 at 7 pm at the Josephine Theater, 339 W. Josephine, San Antonio, TX 78212.  

How can I get tickets to The BIG GIG?  You can visit the Nonprofit Council website to purchase tickets or sign up for a skit. Almost half the tickets are sold as of this post's date, so hurry! 

• Buy tickets
• Sign up for a skit
• Sponsor the event

What is a skit like for The BIG GIG? 
As you will see in the promo link above, the event does not require skit participants to be actors.  We practiced our skit at this year's Issue in Profile and read straight from our scripts - which we plan to do at the BIG GIG itself.  The goal of each skit is to be funny or informative around nonprofit issues, or both.  No acting required. Many of the skits submitted so far draw heavily on the posts of the Nonprofit With Balls Blog (with permission).   

Skit line up so far:

• Baking a Nonprofit Cake and Restricting It Too by Big Brothers Big Sisters
• Our Grant is Better Than Your Grant by The San Antonio Lighthouse for the Blind
• The Big Give Press Conference by Roy Maas Youth Alternatives
• Nonprofit and Afraid featuring BIG GIG hosts Renee "Effie Trinket" Garvens and Scott "Caesar Flickerman" McAninch and 2 surprise for-profit contestants
• Dancing With Your Program Officers by 6 nonprofit execs and 6 program officers
•  “The Article"  A group of non-profit leaders react to the recent News Article  that lists CEO salaries and overhead percentages
• Who's Calling? a skit about wearing many different nonprofit hats by Spina Bifida Texas 
•  The Nonprofit Hunger Games:  Where the Odds are Seldom in our Favor"- by CAMP
  
• Musical numbers, videos and more. 

How do I vote for my favorite nonprofit? 

Immediately following the final skit attendees will have the opportunity to cast final votes for their favorite skits, “actors” and agencies.  Votes can be purchased for $1.00 before the event begins and during intermission.   There is no limit to the number of votes that can be purchased.  Friends and family at home will also be able to vote through a link from the council website. A portion of the vote proceeds will go to the winning agency. 

Why is the BIG GIG happening? 
This event is the brain child of the executive committee of the Nonprofit Council and was generated during its strategic planing process in 2015.  The mission of the Nonprofit Council is to  form one strong collective voice for those it serves through advocacy, training, resource sharing and the strength and extensive knowledge of its combined membership. The BIG GIG will fund the work of the council's Advocacy Committee, the purpose of which is to highlight the constraints and limits on nonprofits today that prevent them from moving the needle on complex social issues.  Committee members are continually creating tools and resources for nonprofit agencies to use to inform their supporters and donors about these limits and constraints. Visit the council advocacy page to see the resources developed by the committee to date, including the I Am Overhead video.   Funds raised through The BIG GIG are planned to be used for a new video on fundraising available in the fall of 2016.   

Your 2016 BIG GIG hosts:  Caesar and Effie

The Nonprofit Council Advocacy Committee:

Executive Director, Nonprofit Council:  Scott McAninch,

Chair, Advocacy Committee:  Denise Barkhurst, Big Brothers Big Sisters

 Members:  

 

Chuck Altmiller, Big Brothers Big Sisters

John Burnam, Burnam Gray

Cadence Corbin, San Antonio Area Foundation

Maureen DeFelice, Daedalion Foundation

Renee Garvens, Roy Maas Youth Alternatives

Mike Gillam, San Antonio Lighthouse for the Blind

Anne Krause, Hemisphere Conservancy

Charlotte Anne Lucas, NOWCast

Carlos Maestos, Key Ideas

Terry Maudlin, The Down Syndrome Association

Kathy McNaughton, Masters Leadership Program

Susan Osborne, Children’s Association for Maximum Potential

Nora Oyler, Spina Bifida Texas

Dawn White, Christian Assistance Ministries

Mentoring a kid is more doable than you think!

One of my favorite quotes goes like this:  "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing well."  These are words I try to live by, and no where are they more important than in youth development. I have had the privilege of working for a wonderful youth development organization, Big Brothers Big Sisters, for 19 years and I am so very proud of the amazing work we do. Every January,  which is National Mentoring Month, we take time to Celebrate Success and spread the word about the power of one to one mentoring relationships! 

Did you know that there are 40 basic building blocks, called Developmental Assets, that every child needs to grow up successfully?  It turns out that there are instructions for child-raising, after all, but not all kids have equal opportunity to develop these assets. That's where Big Brothers Big Sisters steps in by recruiting, screening and training volunteers to meet regularly and consistently for at least a year with kids who need extra support and guidance in order to make it through the challenges of childhood. These volunteers are helping to develop critical assets like self esteem, developing hobbies, learning to trust, planning and decision making, caring about and service to others, boundaries and attitudes and expectations, honesty, responsibility, restraint, a commitment to learning, conflict resolution, interpersonal skills, a sense of belonging, purpose and a positive view of the future. Sound ah-mazing?  It is!  All of this can happen for a kid -- really! -- just by observing, interacting with and learning from a caring, positive role model.

So why isn't everyone doing it?  Most people think it's more difficult to mentor a child than it actually is. We often hear things like this: 

• I'm too busy.  
• What if I let them down?
• I'm probably not role model material. 
• What on earth will we do together?
• What if they don't like me?  

The good news is that Big Brothers Big Sisters has all the answers for all these questions and more. 

Here's why being a Big Brother or Big Sister is 

One of the most doable volunteer opportunities ever : 

You set the schedule - Activities between you and your mentee (who I will now call your "Little Brother or Sister"*) occur when you plan them to occur.  Your "match" can be set up to meet weekly, every other week or once a month depending on the time you have.  As long as your Little and his/her parent know what to expect and there are good lines of communication, it can all work out for everyone's benefit! 

They're going to love you - Even if they don't show it, especially at first. It takes a while for relationships to develop, but trust us when we say that we have talked to enough kids who have grown up after being in the program and they all say they adored their Bigs, probably didn't show enough appreciation at the time, but couldn't imagine life without their Big in it. 

You get a mentor too - From the minute you sign up to be a Big, you have the support of the professional BBBS staff behind you.  Once you are paired with a child, your Match Support Specialist is there to help troubleshoot anything you need for the entire time you are in the program, like helping you figure out what to do together, and talking about whether you're being effective (most likely).  I have been matched for 12 years and my Match Support Specialist is kind of my mentoring therapist.  Shout out to Marcela! :) 

There is a unique opportunity coming up in a few weeks to come learn more about how you can be a part of this mentoring movement!  We'd love to see you there. 

Big Brother Santiago is Big Brother of the Year for all of Texas!

Please Join Us
National Mentoring Month Mixer
January 21, 2016
El Tropicano Hotel 
110 Lexington, San Antonio
5:30-7:30 pm

Help us honor our 2016 

Big Brother and Big Sister of the Year. 

Use National Mentoring Month as your excuse to get involved in Big Brothers Big Sisters in South Texas: 

• Volunteer
• Donate 
• Make Magic 

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*Although it has finally made its way into the dictionary, mentee is not really a word and we only use it because it is commonly accepted and understood. We prefer "Little," child, youth and/or student, or even client. 

Spreading Christmas Cheer: Our Adopt-a-Family Adventure

We adopted 7 families for Christmas. It was too hard to choose just one so we had the idea to adopt several families in honor of our own family members. This probably wasn't the optimal year to have taken on such a huge project because my energy levels haven't yet returned to normal following my surgery, but my girls were amazing on this project! This is the story of our experience.

I described in my previous post, Sharing Leads to Caring, that the decision to adopt a family for Christmas was motivated by my 13 year old. The craziest part of this story is that we waited so long to get started shopping that Zoe had already gone to her dad's house for the holidays by the time we got down to it. Ariel and Lacey really enjoyed shopping and wrapping and Zoe did get to go with us on a few deliveries. Here is the story in pictures: 

There are 19 kids in the 7 families we adopted. Several of them liked to draw so here we are getting sketchbooks and drawing pencils. Ariel has the kids' lists. 

The first night we were overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the task and Ariel and Lacey spread everything out in the guest room to get a handle on what we had to do to make deliveries by Christmas. The cat laid on everything and Lacey worried someone would be allergic to cats. 

One of the girls, age 12, wanted a bow and arrow, and we are fans of Katniss girl power so that was a priority. We adopted this family in honor of my brother, Uncle Lance. 

It wouldn't be Christmas without a trip to Gamestop to buy used PS3 and PS4 games. There were several boys who wanted games, including one who's been given a system, but no games. 

We all love a girl who loves to read and asks for a specific series.  We adopted this family in honor of my nephew Trey and his wife, Kristina. #afterourhearts

A boy who likes card tricks and magic will probably appreciate a Star Wars stocking filled with candy too. We adopted this family in honor of my sister, Aunt Ali. There were 2 boys and a girl in this family age 12, 13 and 15.  

When a 12 year old wheelchair bound boy asks for cologne, you have to make that happen for him. We adopted him and his sister -who "does not like Barbies" ;), in honor of my Grandmother, Marie.

Before the wrapping session. Ariel and Lacey were very concerned about sibling parity. All the families we adopted are surviving on less than $15,000 a year and we wished we could have done more. 

The first 2 deliveries ready to go. It took 3 days to make all 7 deliveries. We didn't get lost once but we went to every corner of the city. 

There were 2 girls and a boy in this family. We got all the kids stockings filled with candy.  

Lacey fills out holiday cards for the parents and caregivers for the HEB Gift cards we got them. 

Lacey hands out stockings to her sisters. The deliveries were quick - in and out of the homes. We met some wonderful people and a truly adorable cat named Duncan. 

Making a delivery to the family of 4 kids aged 8-14 that we adopted in honor of my parents, Rich and Peggy (Grandma and Granddad).  

This was the only family that asked to take a picture with us. We adopted them in honor of my brother and his family: Aunt Lyn, Andrew and Marilyn. 

Empty bins means Mission Accomplished! 

The mini photo albums we made of the experience that we gave to our family members, with info about the kids' Christmas wishes, our shopping and delivery experiences and pictures. 

My favorite pic: Lacey and Ariel putting the perfection finishing touches on the sponsorship story books. 

We decided that we will definitely do this again next year, but definitely not as many families. ;)  The kids are hoping we can adopt the family of 5 kids we sponsored this year in honor of my brother, Uncle Richard and his family again next year! 

Sharing Leads to Caring

My youngest child, who entered her teenage years at warp speed, flipped off her bus driver last month and got sentenced to 2 days of after-school detention. After we managed to successfully overcome her father's legal objections to these consequences (footnote* below), she served her time, but the whole ordeal clearly had little impact.

I was particularly disappointed in her behavior as it came immediately after a conversation we had had about respecting authority and being kind to others. Seeing as how shooting the finger is commonly accepted as both mean and disrespectful, I can only assume that her assurances of understanding during our conversation were a total sham. 

Since my older two girls, at 22 and 27, have already passed through their tumultuous adolescence, including the horrific "Mom is a hopeless idiot only worthy of a teenager's condescending pity and fervent scorn" period, I often turn to them for wisdom. When I brought up this incident, which we now refer to as #FingerLawGate, I found they had already been discussing it, and had arrived at a conclusion:  Zoe needs to learn how to give a crap about someone besides herself.  

In an instant, I knew they were right. Periodically, I look over the 40 Developmental Assets Checklist to see where Zoe falls. She's very well taken care of, resourced and privileged, so I don't generally worry too much. But a week before #FingerLawGate I had attended a training on the Assets and it struck me that her exposure to opportunities to really help others was very limited.  I've always taken for granted that my kids have this exposure, given my work in the nonprofit arena. Ariel and Lacey really lived the Big Brothers Big Sisters experience alongside me. They went to all the activities we planned for the kids and volunteers. That was back when I was working more directly in the program, but these days my job is much more administrative. Hence Zoe has learned all about how to ask people for money. She could grow up to be a great fundraiser with her excellent communication skills, thick skin and persevering nature.  Also, as I've gotten older and more attuned to the need for work/life balance, Zoe has had less and less of my job inflicted on her. This is not necessarily a good thing. 

So, my older girls had already decided that Zoe needed more opportunities to care for others outside of herself and her family and be exposed to those less fortunate than she. We discussed a few options and landed on adopting a family for Christmas. This idea just filled me with joy and I don't understand why we haven't done this before!   I researched it online because I know there are lots of great holiday assistance programs out there. In the end, though, we decided to adopt a Big Brothers Big Sisters family, because many of them don't get enrolled in time in holiday assistance programs. Big Brothers Big Sisters doesn't have a holiday assistance program per se, but it has lots of families who could use help. 

I will share in a future post about our experience adopting a family! Happy Holidays! 

Here is a list of organization's that have Adopt a Family opportunities for anyone who is interested. 

1. Family Service Association Adopt a Family Program 
2. Angel Tree 
3. Elf Louise 
4. Blue Santa
5. Here is a great post by San Antonio Mom Blogs on Holiday Opportunities for Families to Volunteer

This cartoon exists on Google, so maybe this happens more than I realized. Thank you phrasemix.com. #stillnotok

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*Her dad called the middle school principle to insist that Zoe was not on school grounds when she flipped off her bus driver, having exited the bus in our neighborhood before bringing out the finger. Therefore the school had no jurisdiction to punish her. He has to constantly demonstrate what a clever lawyer he is never mind what kind of parent.