From Toddler to Teenager

Teenagers are masters of the Look of Contempt

Today my youngest daughter officially became an insufferable teenager. I know this to be true because I've previously experienced the horror of watching two perfectly delightful children morph rapidly into that beastly, ghastly creature known as The Teenager.

The signs are unmistakable:

• the sighing, 
• the eye rolling, 
• the "oh, Mom's!"  

 The conversations like this: 

Me: "Get off your phone."

Teenager: "Why?"

Me: "Because I asked you to."

Teenager: "That's not a reason at all."

OR

Me: "Clean your room, (or take a shower, or pick up your clothes, or do your homework....)" 

Teenager: "NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Me: "Yes, now."

Teenager: "Why?" 

I used to think that the hardest part of child-rearing was from birth to 3. The sheer physical demands of sleep deprivation combined with the new and overwhelming responsibility of keeping a fragile newborn alive nearly did me in. Where was the training for this!? And it didn't get easier with the second, or the third. Oh no, I was older but I had less stamina and I was even more tired if that's possible. 

Ditto for the absurdly exhausting toddler years-- trying to keep a newly mobile 11 month old from killing herself falling down the stairs, followed by the eternal chasing of a 2 year old around my friends and family's houses, grocery stores, restaurants etc before she wreaked total havoc and/or ran off and got lost was the bane of my existence. I couldn't wait for date nights to get away, but then that usually went like this:

Me, 2 minutes after we sit down to dinner:  "I should call and see how the babysitter is doing."
Husband:  "They're fine."
Me:  "I'll be quick."
Husband:  Sigh.

Thank God I spaced them out.*  

But things changed around age 3 when my oldest child looked into my eyes and we had our first real conversation. I conversed, intelligently, in a non-baby sing-song voice with a human being that I had created, nurtured, loved and put all my time and energy into for 3 years.  

Wowza! What a pay-off!  

Despite the exhaustion, I was actually head over heels in love and would never have thought that I could be any more enamored with my child than I already was, but that first real conversation was one of the best moments in my life.  For several years after that I swear I could see her brain developing right in front of my eyes. As a new mom I read all the research that says the most brain growth activity is from birth to 3, so I fed my little growing babies lots of input and they took it all in. It's a good thing babies are so cute. They smile at you, and coo, and snuggle, and you melt with love, which is what keeps you from putting a pillow over your head at 2:30 am when they wake up for the 3rd time that night. And yes, you take pride in their growth and appreciate their healthy development, but for me that all paled in comparison to the little person my child became around 3. 

It only got better from there.  For all three of my girls, elementary school was awesome.  Language, art, storytelling, music - they explored, expanded and I got to watch it all.  School plays and spelling bees, times tables and book reports.  And let's not forget those Thanksgiving turkey hand-prints of love.  All of their teachers loved them, reporting what a joy they were to teach.  So smart!  So funny!  So helpful and cooperative!**   What a proud mommy I was!  

And then, again, boom!  Sometime in middle school, without warning, it's over. The adolescent transition from sweet to sour is bitter indeed.  One minute you're sitting together on the living room floor playing with the cat and laughing about nothing and the next minute she's slamming her bedroom door and telling you that "in case you hadn't noticed," she's "not a kid anymore," and you "just don't understand her." 

Sigh.  

So having passed through all the ages and stages of the developing female child twice before now, I can honestly say that the hardest one to mother through is the teenage years.  The hell of sleepless nights with an infant is nothing compared to the agony of a missed curfew.  Learning to live with using the bathroom while a toddler clings to your ankles is unfortunate, but witnessing your daughter's pure adoration morph into withering contempt is utterly heartbreaking. I'm pretty sure that residual affection left over from the cute baby stage is the only thing that has compelled me to keep mothering the monsters they become as teenagers.  That may sound harsh, but trust me, withering contempt is no picnic. 
 
There's only one thing to do now, and that is to hope for grandchildren one day so that I can return to that cute baby stage and conversing with intelligent 3 year olds with none of the unpleasant strings attached.  They say that's the ultimate payback.  Bring it on!
_______________________________________________________________________

* ('88, '93, '02)

**A little bossy maybe, but that's the subject of another blog post....

A Little Spring in My Step!

Now that my taxes are done (I set a March 1st deadline that I always miss by at least a week), it's time to enjoy March and Spring! So here are:

6 Wonderful Things I LOVE about Spring/March:

1.  My Annual Pear Tree Blossoming!  Planted in 1994 alongside a peach and plum tree, both of which are long gone,  it has survived sudden freezes, wildly fluctuating temps in the same week, or even day, and 100 degree summers! 

It produces fewer pears than it did in the late 90's and early 2000's but still more than we could ever eat.  Fondest memory is of our late golden retriever, JJ, jumping up to tear them off the tree and eating pear after pear after pear.  That tree misses him! 

2. Buying Cheap Flowers!  They are everywhere starting the first week of March!  Begonias, Petunias, Impatiens, Zinnias, Geraniums and more.  Actually the geraniums are one of the only ones I can get to flower year after year - they actually flower all year long!  I didn't say I had a green thumb or anything, I said I love the availability and affordability of an amazing variety of flowers! 

3.  Sitting Outside at Restaurants and Happy Hour. This is the BEST, and in San Antonio, the window for doing this is very small. Not for me - I would sit outside all the time, but for all the people I eat and drink outside with.  Most of them won't put up with the blinding sun, the 95% humidity and the 99+ degree temps.  But from mid-March to late April (and sometimes into May), I enjoy patio seating at my favorite eateries and bars; like La Hacienda and Willies and El Jarro.  It's also flips flops and tank tops weather. 

 

 4.  Staying Lighter Later  There is nothing more depressing than when we Fall Back after Halloween and I leave work at 5:30 pm and it's dark outside.  Suddenly no one knows how to drive in the dark and my commute is worse than it's been since the kids went back to school at summer's end.  The opposite happens when we Spring Ahead!  I don't even care about the hour I lost!  Now I can take walks, plant flowers and sit outside after work!

5.  St Patrick's day and Easter When holidays collide!  I decorated for St Patrick's' day at the beginning of March, but I have already pulled out all the Easter stuff because Easter is the first weekend of April this year! All the pastel colors of this holiday are so fun and light and just bursting with springtime energy!  I was actually thinking about not decorating this year because Zoe (youngest child) won't be home for Easter, but Lacey (middle child) talked me out of it.  I was just momentarily delusional.  Bring on the Bunnies!  

6.  My Oldest & Youngest Kids' Birthdays!  I had two March Babies!  Ariel is about to turn 27 and Zoe will be 13.  I texted them at the lake where they are for Spring Break and asked them to send me a celebratory selfie and this is what I got.  Ariel is anti-picture these days.  Then I got videos of Zoe's hair in the wind on the boat they were sailing on.  I love to see the sisters spending time together happy and having fun. 

I cant imagine my life without having had these two girls, and maybe that's why Spring is so special to me.  It's always a time of year when life begins anew, but for me that has really special meaning because it's also when I brought these two into the world. 

 Yay Spring!

A Boutique-style Squishing

Pink roses make everything better

I know I'm not the first woman to complain about the annual boob-squish, but I'm here to report that it's getting easier thanks to the Boutique Mammogram. My first time by way of this special experience was a few squishes ago but each year, it gets more sophisticated. This year, they gave me a pink rose. Ladies, if we're gonna to have to do this, this is the way to go. 

A few years ago when directed to a location called a "boutique" for my annual mammogram, I pondered the word from its waiting room, which featured mineral water, a fountain garden, plush carpet and mahogany furniture. 

"Boutique" - 

1. a small store selling fashionable clothes or accessories.

2.  a business that serves a sophisticated or specialized clientele.

Since I am in fact, sophisticated, and special, this place was obviously created for the likes of me. 

Today's boutique visit featured donuts, coffee and pink upholstery.  From the waiting lobby, I was directed to a small changing room where I donned the pink, paper gown, (opens in front, ladies) and took a seat in another plush inner waiting room.  Last year's boutique had a puzzle in progress on a table but this one only had a giant, flat screen TV playing Good Morning, America.  I'm becoming a critic.  60 seconds later I was getting intimate with the imaging machine.  Other than the tech apologizing for her cold hands, it was almost, enjoyable. OK, that's totally untrue, the squishing sucks, but the pampering was appreciated.  It's almost like a spa!  (OK it's not really like a spa, but looking on the bright side is healthy, right?). I also appreciated the speed and organization.  The time that elapsed between entering and leaving the boutique parking lot was only 19 minutes. Phenomenal. 

This almost makes up for the fact that, apparently, I have spent the last 10 years getting "unnecessary" mammograms.  It kinda sucked to see that 10 years after I started getting them, mammograms are now being recommended at age 50 instead of 40.  Whatever.  I am hoping that next year's boutique will finally feature "fashionable clothes and accessories" too.  Or maybe they'll have progressed from giving away roses to giving away jewelry.  I'm looking forward to it. ;)

Everything is pink in the boutique I most recently visited. 

Donuts and coffee and mammograms

Little Stories, Big Impacts: Our Founding

Current and former Big Brothers Big Sisters board members

This week I met one of the co-founders of the Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Texas affiliate for which I am the proud President & CEO.  Her name is Harriette Furino and she moved to San Antonio in 1973 from Houston where she had been a Big Sister volunteer.  Having enjoyed the experience so much, Harriette was disappointed to find out that there was no branch of the program in San Antonio.  She set out to start one.  She told us the story of how she teamed up with a friend, Barbara Alden and they incorporated Big Brothers Big Sisters, Alamo Area in 1976.  Barbara went on to serve as the agency's founding Executive Director and Harriette served on the board.

The event at which I met Harriette this week was one of a series of events to be held in 2015 to reconnect with over 300 former board members who served the agency over the years since 1976.  We call this the "Board Member Reunion Tour" and we had 6 in attendance this week along with Harriette.  One of our goals is to capture their stories in print or on video for inclusion in the"Mentoring Hall of Fame" we plan to create in the new offices we hope to build soon. 

A rendering of the BBBS of South Texas future offices

Sitting around the lunch table, Harriette shared the story of her first Little Sister, Marcy, who lived in a family with 9 other siblings.  Marcy was 10 when she was matched to Harriette, and recently, at age 56 she got to proudly watch her own son graduate from college.  Marcy believes that because Harriette cared enough about her to keep her from dropping out of high school, she was able to stop the cycle of failure that had characterized her family to that point in time.  Marcy and her son are living proof of the power of Big Brothers Big Sisters.

The part of the story though, that really touched me was when Harriette talked about how her Little Sister Marcy told her that, "it may not have seemed so at the time, but I was always listening to you." As a parent of three of them, I know that there is nothing more momentous than hearing that a vulnerable at-risk teenage girl has been listening to your advice, counsel and guidance. 

I was so happy to finally meet Harriette.  I thought to myself that none of us would be here if it hadn't been for her dream to start a BBBS program in San Antonio. I am proud to have also played a small role in bringing or preserving BBBS branch office programs to several other cities.  Big Brothers Big Sisters, Alamo Area was renamed Big Brothers Big Sisters of South Texas several years ago after opening branch offices in Kerrville (1996), New Braunfels (2000) and Corpus Christi (2005).  Since then we have also expanded our umbrella to cover Laredo, McAllen, College Station and Eagle Pass with the help of local leaders like Harriette.  We get calls all the time from other cities in our 38 county service area that don't have the program, and I'm sad to think of the kids that don't even have the option.  Del Rio calls a few times a year and I got a call from a teacher in Carrizo Springs just before the holidays.  We need more Harriettes. 

So, Big Brothers Big Sisters made my heart sing again today, which once again just illustrates why I have spent 18 years of my life dedicated to our mission.  Because of Harriette I have an incredibly fulfilling career, 300 former board members have had the privilege and opportunity to serve this mission, and thousands of kids have experienced the time and caring attention of  life-changing adult role models.

Everything, All At Once

Another 16 year old in my circle just got a car for her birthday. That is awesome for her, but it worried me to hear her mother complain less than 15 minutes later about the affordability of college. 

In today's world it seems that every 16 year-old I know gets a car.  This is very different from when I was a high school kid.  Very few of my friends had cars, and no one I ever knew got a brand-new car.  One of the reasons was that their parents were saving for college.

I suspect that the next thing today's car-lucky kids will do after getting a Bachelor's degree they couldn't afford (what with the big, fat car payment, natch!) is to go on to pursue a Master's degree, get married, take out a giant mortgage and then complain about how in debt they are. 

Must they have everything all at once?

I keep reading how we need to make college affordable. Can someone tell me exactly what is affordable? At 18 I was extremely poor.  I was working at McDonald's and taking a few classes at San Antonio College, all that I could "afford." I could not, however, afford a car so I walked, bummed rides or took the bus to class. I rarely bought any books. It was hard, but it was the most important and very best investment I have ever made in myself.

Today people think it's perfectly OK to pay $30,000-40,000 for a car but then they balk at that kind of investment, at the very least, in a bachelor's degree.  I have to say this sounds like maybe it's a matter of Prioritization rather than affordability. The real issue is that we want to be able to pay for college AND have all these other things too. Right away.  And/or we want to go to a really expensive college and not be deprived of anything else as a result.

At collegedata.com you can find all kinds of helpful info about the price tag of college.  After reviewing this site, I think there are three things to consider about paying for college:

1. Prioritization (which we just touched on),
2. Cost (Affordability), and
3. Choice (so many choices)

Since we've mulled over Prioritization a bit, let's look at Cost.  According to the College Board, "the average cost for one year of tuition and fees for the 2013–2014 school year (was) $8,893 for state residents at public colleges..."*  This is about $35,000 for a 4 year degree. For comparison's sake, here is the average price of a new car, and for the cost of maintaining that car: 

Average cost of a new car in 2014:  $31,000 - 32,000 ( with interest rates averaging 4%)
Average cost to drive a car in 2014: $8,000 - 9,000 a year 

In terms of investment, in 6 years the car will have significantly depreciated in value (if it hasn't been totaled - 1 in 5 of 16-year-old drivers has an accident within their first year of driving), while a college education will be even more valuable and complemented by experience.

Now I can hear some of you parents out there saying, but what about the cost of room and board, and books and meals?!  That's where Choice comes in. 

First, consider this:  whether or not your child goes to college there will still be a cost to feed and shelter him or her.  The choice is whether or not to live in the dorms or live at home.  There is also the choice of whether or not that child has a job while in college (or whether or not he/she lives off of you and/or student loans**).  Adding in the cost of living arrangements, meals and books adds about another $12,000 to the cost of college (which I still maintain that, other than books, are the costs of being alive, not college.) 

Then there is the choice to attend a private or out of state institution.  This is where it really gets crazy.  According to the College Board, the average cost of tuition and fees for the 2013–2014 school year was $30,094 at private colleges, and $22,203 for out-of-state residents attending public universities (as opposed to the $8,893 for state residents at public colleges we discussed above).  From my bumbling middle class perspective, there is no choice here, there is just common sense.  Or debt.  

Another factor is student loan interest rates, which seems to fluctuate between 3 and 5 percent according to my internet research.  I am not an expert on these things, having never taken out a student loan (I was on the pay-for-classes-one-at-time 10 year BA degree affordability plan) but I have paid 7% interest rate on a home mortgage for the last 15 years and I still owe just under what the sale price of the house originally was.  But even if I took all of the most expensive routes to college it still wouldn't add up to just the interest I have paid on my house over the last 15 years -- which could burn down tomorrow, but until dementia sets in I will always have my college education.***

The last thing to consider here is financial aid and scholarships which certainly can make college more affordable if you qualify. The first is based on need according to a student's particular circumstances, and the latter on ability which is dependent on talent and/or work ethic. I won't go more into detail on these since since it applies to only a fraction of students.  Also, if a students gets financial aid or a scholarship, it often doesn't cover 100% of the cost so we then come right back around to choices. 

I hope this doesn't come off as sanctimonious or insufferable.  I can see how it might****, but I am still going to post it because I'd like to see more consideration of responsible and realistic priorities and choices in determining the affordability of college to balance out all the righteous indignation.  I know we all want our kids to have the best possible college experience.  We all hope our kids are better off than we were.  But do we really need to make everything so easy for them?  Doesn't a little deprivation still develop the highly useful ability to delay gratification and appreciate bounty and good fortune? How do we make it better for them by letting them tumble into irresponsible debt and then expect some sort of "forgiveness" of that debt?  Who exactly is responsible for that debt?  The clueless kids?  The parents who let it happen?  The banks who gave them the money?  The colleges who charged them for expenses?  I don't have the answers to these questions, but I do know how to stay out of debt.  

*backed up by data on the cost of attending the University of Texas at San Antonio

**OMG it should be illegal to give loans to kids for living expenses.  My daughter told me that her boyfriend frequently spends his loan money on comic books!  I cant even begin to write about how awful this whole concept is. 

***It's fast approaching, carpe diem...

****one of my helpful blog post editors said this, and that I am getting old and increasingly prone to making "back in my day..." statements that make the eyes of today's youngsters roll

Zoe the Wise and Entertaining

In August 2013, my youngest daughter Zoe started middle school.  As the parents of most 6th graders know, this age is a delightful stage of discovery and wonder.  The developmental characteristics of the average 11-12 year old include the following: 

• Intellectual interests expand
• Increased ability to see world from various perspectives
• Improved abilities to use speech for self-expression
• High interest in current events, politics, social justice
• Increased ability to think abstract in intellectual pursuits
• May offer “ideal” solutions to complex problems

As Zoe began to display these characteristics in abundance, I had to share her thoughts and comments with others, and I took to Facebook in earnest.  Over her 6th grade year and into her current 7th grade year, I have posted her thoughts and questions, and had lots of positive feedback.  Everyone loves hearing from Zoe. I was told that I better be saving all those posts, so, I was compelled to go back through Facebook and compile them all into one blog post.  First up are posts from 6th and 7th grade, including the famous Health Class, followed by the posts from 2009-2012.

You're all very welcome.  :) 

On School

2013 Aug 27:
Me: "How much do I owe you for chores today?" Zoe: "All I've done so far is my homework?" Me: "Let's be clear, I don't pay you to do your homework." Zoe: "Why not?! It's on my list of things to do!" Me: "It's your reason for being -at this point in your life -you're a student. Does anyone pay me for being your mom?" Zoe: "No, but have you ever really tried to find a donor for that?"

2013 Oct 17:
Zoe: "We had to do a group project today in school. I suck at group projects." Me: "Why do you think that?!" Zoe: "That's not the important part. Our project was to form a new country and make all the laws and everything. I wanted to design the flag but someone else took that. I had to be on the group that made the laws." Me: "Well, that sounds interesting." Zoe: "Trust me, it was not. The first law they made was No School. I told them that was just stupid. Turns out that they want to be stupid. This is why I suck at group projects."

2013 Nov 6:
Zoe: "I like English homework because you can help me with it." Me: "Is a back handed way of saying I suck at Math?" Zoe: "I did not say that."

2013 Nov 18:
For those of you who are following the middle school adventures of Zoe, here's the latest: Zoe: Guess what we're learning in math? Me: What? Zoe: Ratios! Today we watched a speed dating video. For every one word the girl spoke, the guy spoke 7. Me: Speed dating. Of course.

2013 Dec 9:
Me: "So, how did your book report go?" Zoe, "Perfect. I did an amazing job." Me: "Nothing wrong with your self esteem, is there?" Zoe: "Nope." Minutes later.... Me: "Zoe take off those socks, they smell terrible." Zoe: "Now, that's the kind of comment that might lower my self esteem." I retreat. Type this. She still has the socks on. Eww. 

2014 Jan 15:
Me: How was school? Zoe: Well, PE is interesting. Today we watched a video teaching us how to ride a stationary bike. The video's background music was "Fat Bottom Girls." Me: Interesting choice. (Zoe sings chorus, which is then stuck in my head for the afternoon).

2014 Jan 23:
Lacey to Zoe: You're probably going to have a snow day tomorrow. Zoe: What?! No! Tomorrow is the worst day for a snow day. I have solo practice! Lacey: Tell me about it! I'm missing a very important class. Me to myself: My kids are freaks.

2014 Feb 17:
Zoe: So I've been going to the sewing club in my after school program. Me: Does anything funny happen there I can entertain with on Facebook? Zoe: Uh, people poke themselves a lot? Me: Really? Zoe: We aren't being actually taught how to sew, we just get to do it. That's why that bear I made was so bad.

Apr 23 2014:  Text conversation

2014 Feb 19:
 Zoe got in trouble at her after-school program today for being disruptive during homework time. After listening to the teacher tell me about the incident, this was how Zoe started her defense as we drove home: "Mom, this is like the telephone game. By the time the story gets to you it sounds worse than it actually was. I'm the one who knows the real story and you need to hear it."

2014 Mar 5:
Me: I'm going to talk to your teacher tomorrow. Zoe: Ok, but don't embarrass me. Me: What?! When have I ever embarrassed you with your teachers? Zoe: There's a first time for everything.

2014 Jun 2:
Me: Hey Zoe: Someone blew away the STAAR test! I'm not gonna name names. Zoe: It was Bramble! Me: Ha! Here are your fabulous results. They came last Thursday. You're as amazing as we knew you were. Zoe: Oh, stop. <Pauses> Never mind. Keep going...

On The Famous Health Class

2013 Nov 13:
Zoe's health homework tonight was to interview me and ask a bunch of questions she was given and record my answers. This is the gist of that assignment: Zoe: How do you get an STD? Me: Having sex. Zoe: Duh. Zoe: Is sex fun? Me: Yes. Zoe: Ick. Zoe: Should I sign an abstinence until marriage pledge? Me: At 11?! Zoe: I know, right? The conversation actually lasted over an hour. Zoe took 6 pages of notes and had me revise the abstinence pledge she will take and at the end of the questions she said, "thank you for your time." Wow. Surreal.

2013 Nov 14:
 Zoe's health class is making our evening discussions very interesting. This happened tonight at dinner. Zoe, age 11: We watched a date rape video today at school. Me: Chokes on soup.

2013 Dec 18:
Zoe: "So, today, in health class we watched a video about drinking too much and this man drank a beer, then threw up into it and then kept on drinking it." Me: "What?! Slow down, Facebook has been waiting for a new health class story, let me write this down." Zoe: "Facebook doesn't want to hear about this, Mom - it is not funny, it's disgusting." Me: "Sure, they do. What else?" Zoe: "We had to look at a poster of what smoking cigarettes does to you. Just trust me on this, ok?" Me: "Ok." (posts on FB).

2013 Dec 19:
 Zoe: "Tell Facebook we can only make fun of health class for 2 more days, but I'm pretty sure that even my health teacher is ready for it to be over."

2014 Jun 14:
 Zoe: My 89 in that Health class last semester everyone thought was so funny kept me from having a straight A average all year. Me: I guess health class gets the last laugh. Zoe: That's not funny.

On Life

2013 Aug 20:
Zoe says "I am so tiny in the universe."

2014 Jan 11:
Zoe: What are you talking about? Me: This is an adult conversation. Zoe: I'm an adult. In some countries.

2014 Mar 27:
 Zoe: Middle Schoolers are a lot more likely to lie than CEO's. Me: (Reaches for phone) Zoe: Are you going to tweet that?

2014 Oct 6:  
Pondering life's big questions as posed by a 12 year old on the front porch, as Atlas sits sentry. Tonight Zoe tackled:
Gay marriage: "No one says you have to attend their wedding."
Abortion: "Why are there unwanted babies?!"
School lunches: "Pizza's awesome and it's a big hit, but, come on, kids know it's not healthy."
Juvenile detention: "It's like taking a class on how to be bad."
I'm pretty sure this never happened all in one night at age 12 with my older two girls.
I'm overwhelmed. Now we are having a "how to shave" demonstration.
Isn't it bedtime yet?!

On Music

2013 Sept 12:
Zoe just excitedly told me that way back last year before she could read music she had no idea that the song "This Old Man" was the same as the Barney theme song.

2011 Sept 29:  Zoe is clearly trying to decipher the meaning of a great rock song

2013 Sept 22:
Discussing "Blurred Lines" with Zoe: Me: "Would you want someone to say to you that "you da hottest b**ch in this place"? Zoe: Horrified, "OMG! No! I would slap them. And then pepper spray them. Who would want that?! And if they do, then they need counseling."

2013 Dec 3:
Zoe was playing a short sequence of chords over and over on her violin while I was making dinner. I finally realized it was the Steve Miller Band song, "The Joker." When I told her, she said, "That's been in my head for days!"

2014 Jan 30:
Zoe: I feel like 80's music is the best. (Said while not being able to stop herself from jumping up to dance to my music on shuffle while she's supposed to be doing homework).

On Her Dad

2013 Sept 21:
My inspection sticker has expired and Zoe and I were discussing proof of insurance. It went something like this: Me: "Do you know what proof of insurance is?" Zoe: "Yes." Me: "You know everything! How are you so smart?" Zoe: "I know about proof of insurance from all the times Dad's been pulled over." Me: "Yikes." Zoe: "Dad says the cops go easier on him when I'm in the car."

2014 Feb 10:
Zoe: Dad always blames the car when he gets pulled over by a cop. Me: How's that?! Zoe: When he's driving the red SUV he says studies show more red cars get pulled over. When he's driving the Gold BMW it's because cops pull over more BMW's. Me: What do you think? Zoe: I'm afraid to tell him but it's probably the driver, not the car.

On Pop Culture and Current Events

2014 Jan 12:
 Zoe: "Everyone says they were unprepared for winning. I would have written a speech anyway." #goldenglobes

2014 Feb 3:
This just happened: Me: Dammit! Zoe: Janet!? Me: Did you just make a reference to Rocky Horror Picture Show? Zoe: Maybe. Me: You're so old! Zoe: What?! I'm only 12! Me: You are not even 12 yet! Zoe: (laughing) You're adorable, Mom.

2014 Oct 2:
On the drive to school: Zoe: Is it true that someone went on vacation and brought Ebola back to America and now it's spreading? Me: No. A man entered the US from Liberia and he has Ebola and he's been hospitalized. He'll probably recover and it doesn't look like he passed it to anyone else. Zoe: That's good to know. I've got to let everyone at school know because they all think it's spreading fast.

On Words 

2014 Feb 1:
Shopping in HEB: Me: How about we get blueberries? Zoe: I've said a million times that I don't like blueberries. Why can't you accept it? Me: A million, huh? Zoe: It's hyperbole. Mom. Me: Is that a fancy word for exaggeration? Zoe: Yes, yes, it is.

2014 Aug 14:
Me, reading an article in People magazine to Zoe: "For most parents their kids' teenage years signal the end of goodbye kisses and cuddles and the dawn of slammed doors and one-word answers." Is that gonna happen to us soon, Zoe? Zoe: I wanna say "No," but that's a one-word answer....

On Friends

2014 Feb 26:
Zoe just read a story to me that she and her friends wrote that had words like "stupidly" "poo" and "cluck-cluck" sprinkled liberally throughout it. When I didn't find the story as highly amusing as Zoe did (she was seriously cracking up) she abruptly stopped laughing, turned to me with this intense look of grave disappointment and said: "I really hope I don't lose my sense of humor when I'm over 40."

2014 Apr 9:
Zoe: --Picks out birthday card of 'unicorn farting rainbows' for friend. Me: "Are you sure she will appreciate this?" Zoe: "Of course she will!" Me: "Cause I would not." Zoe: "This is why you're not my best friend."

On Sex

2014 Sept 27:
Zoe was very helpful this year boxing things up to make way for Halloween decorations. Zoe: Mom, did you know this sign is a sexual innuendo. (Grapes sign: "Squeeze me and I'll whine a bit.") Me: What do you know about sexual innuendo? Zoe: When you're 12 everything is a sexual innuendo. Me: Gah. Wha? Zoe: Don't worry, it's normal. All my friends are the same. We've been exposed to a lot by 12. Me: But you were dressed up as Raggedy Ann like 5 minutes ago. Zoe: That was more like 5 years ago. But we grow up faster now than in your day anyway. You've told me this, Mom.

2014 Nov 5:
Me: So what happened in school today? Zoe: My theater arts teacher used the word, "Sex," and all the kids gasped and said, "Ew!" So I told them, loudly, "You were all made by it!" And I might have dramatically pointed my finger around the room at them.

On Random Topics

Aug 25, 2012: note Zoe's teacher had her write

2013 Dec 13:
We had awesome floor seats at the Spurs game tonight and when the Coyote was shooting the t-shirt gun Zoe was screaming over and over in the crowd "Coyote! Over here!" I said: "Zoe, honey he can't hear you." Zoe, sighs, sits down and says: "I know. You'd think he could, though, with those big ears."

2013 Dec 16:
Chilis waiter to Zoe after she jokingly ordered a merlot: "You might want to not wear your Middle School shirt when ordering wine."

2014 Feb 11:
Abbreviated text conversation with Zoe earlier today: Zoe, 5:15 pm: Mom I need my black jeans for tonight's concert. Me, 5:45 pm: Yikes! You need to plan ahead! Zoe, 5:46 pm: Mom, I texted you at 5:15.

2014: May 13: 
In the car: Zoe: How do grapes become wine? Me: It's a process I've learned about but haven't retained the information well enough to be able to explain it. Zoe: That's how I feel about school. Why do I need to know the radius of the sun's core? Me: Because women who went before you fought for our right to be educated. Zoe: They didn't really need to do that. Me: -_- Zoe: Ok, I didn't really mean that. Education is awesome. But we still don't know about those grapes.

2014 Jun 11:
 Zoe, this past Sunday night: Why do I have to go to volleyball camp? Zoe, tonight: Can we go buy a volleyball at Academy, right now?!

2014 Sept 16:   
  Zoe: Sign here, here and here. Me: That's what they tell me at work. Zoe: That's exactly what I was going for.

For Those Who Want Even More on Zoe

It didn't all start in 2013, of course!  I was posting about Zoe well before her 6th & 7th grade years.  Here are few more fun posts! 

October 2011:  Oh the Heartbreak when you don't get the part in the play

2009 Nov13: Denise Wechsler Barkhurst is thankful today for her 7 year old, Zoe, and her 7 year old's highly entertaining rabbit, Bramble. they enrich my life beyond measure.


2009 Jul 5:   Zoe, looking at pictures from the late 80's, "Mom, why do you look the same now but Dad looks so different?"


2010 Sept 29 Zoe just told me that her dinner was "happiness in a bowl." This from the girl who for the last 364 days has declared, "but I don't like that" at dinnertime! Victory! Until tomorrow night.

2011 Mar 27: Zoe, excited: "Mom, look at the Pokemon I just got!!!!!" Me, bored: "Gotta catch em all." Zoe, smirks and walks away. I've raised a 3rd Poke-Geek. Sigh. 

2011 Apr 26:   Me: "Zoe, how was the TAKS test?" Zoe: "Huh?" Me: "How was the TAKS test?" Zoe: "Uh, easy?" Me: "Really? Easy?" Zoe: "Yeah, super easy."

2011 May 9:  Me: "Why am I seeing $150 in charges on iTunes?!" Zoe: "Promise you won't get mad?"

2011 May 11:  Zoe: "How do you get identical twins?" Me: "Umm, it has to do with eggs and sperm and splitting cells..." Zoe: "If this is leading to the "S" word, I'm too young to hear it."

2011 Jun 5:   The 9 year old is mouthy today. I told her that if she wants to get graduated like her two older sisters she needs to listen to her mother. She said she always listens but doesn't "necessarily" agree.

2011 Dec 13:  Me, at the Walgreens Pharmacy drive thru window: "$70!" Zoe: "Well, it IS to keep me alive."

2011 Dec 15:  Zoe chooses to do her school biography report on Elizabeth the Great (a personal role model since I was in high school) all on her own, but a coincidence I think not! 

2012 Jan 30:   Me to Zoe: "I can't believe you have the temerity to ask me that." Zoe's reply, "I don't know what temerity means but I'm pretty sure I have a lot of it."


2012 Feb 13:  Zoe to me: "Everyone says that I look Exactly like you." Me: "What do you think about that?" Zoe: "Don't take this the wrong way, but I just don't see it."

2012 Feb 29:  "Zoe, it's bedtime, I'm tired of arguing about it!" Zoe: "But I'm writing that Chapter Summary you've asked me to write a million times." Me: "Oh, that's great!" Zoe: "Why do you argue with me then?"

2012 Mar 30:  Armen: "We can't put bandaids on all of our problems." Zoe: "What about duct tape? Duct tape will work."


2012 Apr 17:  Me: "Oh no, it's a jury summons in the mail! Oh wait, haha, it's for Lacey!" Zoe, "That was kind of an evil laugh, Mom. What's a jury summons?"

2012 Apr 24:   Zoe totally busted me on the fish I euthanized in the freezer. I absolutely meant to take that out before she saw it. In Zoe's words, "At first I freaked out, you know, because you froze a fish! But then I understood why you did it because it was suffering and I don't want it to hurt."

2012 May 6:   Zoe: "You went to a light festival without me?" Me, "Yes, but you were at your dad's house having fun in the pool all weekend." Zoe, "Mom, we both know that you are smart enough to organize things so that I don't miss important stuff like this." Me:, "Uh, it was rescheduled and that threw me off?" Zoe: sighs and rolls her eyes.

2012 May 14:  Zoe perfectly described the differences between transparent, translucent and opaque to me on the way home today, but she said that the word "opaque" sounds to her like a British cookie. In a full-on British accent she said, "As in, go on now, be a dear and fetch me an opaque, would you please?"

2012 May 21:  Zoe says to tell y'all that she only has 6 days left in the 4th grade.

2012 June 5:   Zoe: "So, 15 is a quarter of an hour but 25 is a quarter of a dollar. Percentages are interesting like that."

2012 Jul 3:  Me to the dentist office: "Zoe chipped her tooth on vacation and we need an appointment." Dentist: "Is she in pain?" Me: "No." Dentist: "The soonest we can see her is July 10." Zoe, "I think it's starting to hurt."

2012 Sept 21:  Me, after forgetting Zoe's allergy meds this morning and her new gym class tonight: "I am so sorry, I seem to be worthless today." Zoe: "Not completely worthless; didn't you go to work and do some stuff today?" 

2012 Oct 3:  Me: "Did you just use the word 'inferred'?" Zoe: "Yes, I learned way back in the 3rd grade to infer with my hypothesis and schema."

2012 Dec 11:   "I know I'm only 10, but he's hot," said Zoe about the Mambo instructor. Omgoodness.

2013 Feb 20:   Zoe, on the book she is reading, "I totally have thoughts like her."(Harriet the Spy)

2013 Mar 5:  Me: "What's your favorite book you've read this year?" Zoe, after lengthy pondering, "Every book I read, I love."

2013 Mar 6:  Conversation a couple of weeks ago -- Me: Will you still be such a great kid when you're 16? Zoe: We'll have to see what happens. Me: I didn't become a CEO by just leaving things to chance like that. Zoe: Good point. Conversations since then when I say "We'll see" and Zoe says "You didn't become a CEO by just seeing what happens." -- I've lost count.

2013 Mar 12:  Me: History is fascinating. Do you know what happened in 1066? Zoe: I don't care what happened in 1066 but I bet I can figure out how many years ago that was. #futuremathmajor (947)

2013 Mar 22:   Me: "How was school?" Zoe: "I made sure to tell everyone yesterday that today was gonna be my birthday so that I would get that awesome birthday greeting feeling all day long." (Pause). "And you know what? Absolutely nothing went wrong today. I was expecting at least One thing to go wrong, I mean, that's just a typical day; but it was an amazing day! "

2013 Apr 1:  Zoe: "Math 5th grade STAAR test is tomorrow." Me: "Piece of cake. You scored 50% higher than the minimum satisfactory score on last year's test and like 100 points over the advanced level. 2013 Do you know what that means?" Zoe: "It means I'm awesome, and I'm probably gonna get into the 6th grade next year.

2013 May 28:   Zoe: "How much do you pay for my school education?" Me: "It's pretty convoluted, are you sure you want to get into it?" Zoe: "I'm sure." Me: "(Going on and on...)" Zoe, interrupts: "You're right, I don't need to know all this right now." :)

2013 June 3:  Me: "Zoe, there are a lot of videos on Vine you shouldn't be looking at." Zoe: "I know," as she continues to hypnotically scroll thru videos. Me: "Zoe, get off Vine now." Zoe: "I promise I don't watch the bad ones. If they start to get inappropriate, I skip them."

2013 July 24: Zoe and I tested out a new karaoke machine tonight, and she told me that my rendition of The Police's "Every Breath You Take" (which I have no doubt was woefully out of tune) was "beautiful." I won't be experiencing this kind of unconditional love for much longer, and I am basking in it. :)

Even More Internet Zoe

Zoe's internet debut came 7 years ago on YouTube in this video of her 5 year old self singing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," to her dad for for which she had begged me to record forever (these were the days before iPhone).  This video inspired me to create her kindersinger YouTube account, to which I uploaded a bunch of her cute toddler-self singing songs like "The Preamble to the Constitution" (age 4) and "The 12 Days of Christmas" (age 8) so that our family members could subscribe and enjoy.   I wish the internet had existed with my two older girls.  They say that once you post something on the internet that it lasts forever.  I hope so. 

"The Music Back in My Day...."

The invention of the mp3 player and the availability of music today make me happy in a way that we take for granted in 2014.   Gone are the days of opening a CD case in your car hoping to play something only to find it empty. ("Dang it, why doesn't anyone, including me, ever put the CD's back in their cases?")  My middle daughter, Lacey, grew up thinking that the soundtrack for the musical "Rent" ended with "La Vie Boheme" (Disk One, Track 25) because Disc Two disappeared under the seats early on and I was just too busy and harassed to ever look for it.  She discovered the whole second half of the show in high school, and I can only imagine it was as epic for her to find that in high school as it would be for me now if someone unearthed a previously unreleased Beatles or Nirvana album. 

My story for today, however, begins well before my CD's.  Sometime prior to 1978, I got a cassette recorder for Christmas.  I no longer have it, but this is an excellent representation of what it looked like, courtesy of Google. It could almost be my long lost, beloved childhood artifact. 

In a scenario incomprehensible to kids today, this gadget allowed me to tape songs off the radio for my listening pleasure later on.  It was a tricky business to press the "record" button at the exact second that the radio DJ stopped jabbering on at the beginning of the song, and it was totally annoying when he or she started back with the commentary before the song was done.  This resulted in most of my song library selections sounding something like this:

--Andy Gibb* singing "Shadow Dancing": "Give me more, drag me across the floor, shadow dancing, all this and nothing m--"

--Radio DJ, interrupting: "That's Andy Gibb, the first male solo artist to have three consecutive number one singles on the Billboard Top 100, just barely inside a year, from July 1977 through July 1978..."

I recently heard "Shadow Dancing" on the radio while driving in my parent's car.  Not a song I ever had on any mp3 playlist, so I hadn't heard it in years, and wow, did it bring back the memories!  I effortlessly remembered every word.  As soon as I got home that night, I took to the wondrous Internet, and searched "Shadow Dancing," and there commenced a trip down Memory Lane, 1978.  This song was released when I was 12 years old, living in Orange Park, Florida, armed with a tape deck.   

I eventually found my way to the Top 100 Billboard Hits of 1978.  My pertinent observations of this list are as follows:

1.  36 years later, I know every single artist, every single song, and nearly the words to every single song, on the list, from the year I turned 12.  I perused 1979, 1980 and 1981 and I knew every one of those songs too.  Over 100 songs.  

2.   My currently 12 year old daughter does not know the words to 100 (non toddler-era Barney) songs in her lifetime, much less in a few years, but how can this be?  I tested this theory by showing her the List of Billboard Top 100 Top 10 Singles in 2014.  She is "pretty sure" that she recognizes 13 out of the 40 songs listed.  That's 32%. 

So, why is this?  What happened and when?  It might be helpful to know that (according to Wikipedia), there were 1,564 entries for singles released in 2013 vs 469 singles in 1978.  That is three times as many songs released in one year today as back in the days of "Shadow Dancing," You're The One That I Want," "Stayin' Alive," and, a personal disco favorite, "Le Freak."  But if there is more music released every year, why is my daughter so unfamiliar with most of it? 

I had a (vague) theory that because there is so much access today to new music all the time that my daughter has much less exposure to all the music that is released because it is not around long enough for her to discover it and learn to love it before it is replaced with something newer.   I took to the Internet to test my theory and found this most amazing thing called "The Whitburn Project" on music longevity as analyzed from Billboard's Top 100 lists.

At first, it seemed that my theory was proven to be correct.  This research, involving the plotting of dots representing hundreds of songs in a chart from 1957-2007, showed that, "in the last couple years, it's become very common for a single to appear in the Top 50 and fall out of the Hot 100 within four weeks. Prior to the mid-1990s, this almost never happened."  

The report went on to say that the research also showed that, "songs are staying in the Top 50 for far longer than they used to.... so it's hard to say if these... singles are massive megahits eclipsing the #1 singles of the past, or if it's because the record industry is producing fewer hits than before."

At this point I had to call in Zoe, for further analysis.  Her comments, after reading and reflecting, were:     

• On the Billboard charts: "I know more of the songs from 1978 than 2014!"
• On the Whitburn project:  "Most of today's songs are not mega-hits."

Having already heard a similar sentiment from 21 year old daughter Lacey, whose favorite band is the Eagles, I concluded that no further research was necessary.  Lacey maintains that "because there is so much more music today there is so much more opportunity for bad music.  We haven't stopped making good music", she says," like Imagine Dragons**, but there is less opportunity to enjoy good music because it's so hard to find it amongst the bad."  She pauses, "I mean 'What Did the Fox Say,' was a Top Single."  Enough said.

I am now convinced, like generations of old people before me, that the music of my day was better than anything since.  ;p  Very rarely did we say "today's music is bad" back in the day.  We were too busy constantly defending our music.  (However, I do remember saying, "Oh, My God, how many times can they play "Out of Africa" by Toto*** on the radio in one day?!?!"  But I so nostalgically love that song now.)

Since the invention of the iPod (and the installation of the aux cable in my Ford Explorer) I have been prone to exclusively listening in my car, or at home, to playlists I created back in 2006 and 2007 from the many CD's and albums I had accumulated over the years.  Every now and then a new song makes its way into those lists, and I even make a few new playlists**** now and then.  But I think I need a little more "Shadow Dancing" in my life, so I might start tuning in to an "oldies" station every now and then.  I never thought that day would come.

Lacey and I at the Eagles concert Wednesday night.

*I had always thought that Andy Gibb died from a drug overdose and learned for the first time researching this post that he in fact died from a weak heart (albeit caused in all probability from years of drug and alcohol abuse).

**Imagine Dragon's song "Radioactive" is a favorite of mine, Lacey's and Zoe's.  This is a band with amazing appeal, even if the video for this song features a creepy pink, but ultimately bad-ass, bear and a very confused looking older than I remember Lou Diamond Phillips. 

***This Toto song is still so popular that it's impossible to find a commercial free YouTube version

****Last playlist I made:  Broken Bells, P!nk, The Lumineers, The Royal Concept, 30 Seconds to Mars, Johnny Mars, Maroon 5, Mumford and Sons, Capital Lights, Fun....