It's Time to Shoot up the Cat

It's been a year now since our 12 year old cat was diagnosed with feline diabetes. The diagnosis followed some really weird behavior from what had previously been an extremely low maintenance cat. Atlas had always been very self sufficient, determined to have as little contact with humans as possible. Literally all he required was readily available clumps of dry Meow Mix* and monthly litter box tray changes. Sometimes I didn't see him for days, which is impressive for an inside cat. Our house is 4400 square feet, with 6 bedrooms, so his habitat was expansive and time consuming.  He was always on the prowl, but nearly invisibly. 

I completely misinterpreted the first sign that something was wrong. The litter box no longer seemed to work very well. I absolutely loved the automatic Scoop Free Litter Box. The original purchase price was a little steep but it was worth it's weight in gold. A 3 months supply of litter trays with crystals arrived by mail and once a month I pulled out the old tray, threw it away, and slipped in a new one. It was low maintenance at its finest. But last summer, it started to smell. After checking out the mechanism of the contraption I decided it was old and a little rusty so I bought a new one, but the same thing happened. This time I decided that the trays of crystals were no longer as effective because a new company had taken over.

Over the next few months I spent a small fortune buying trays of crystals which eventually only lasted for less than a week as opposed to 30 days previously. And then Atlas started peeing on floors and furniture. He also became clingy, the weirdest part of all.  It was all a nightmare. It took forever to diagnose but long story short, he was diabetic and had been drinking inordinate amounts of toilet water and over saturating his litter box.  Part of the reason I finally figured it all out was that he was having trouble jumping up on the toilets.  We always knew he was doing it (making sure the kids closed toilet seats was on my list of priorities for about the first 5 minutes of parenting).  His access to the water source of 4 toilets in the house masked how much water he was actually drinking. 

My poor kitty was a mess:  the following me around, the meowing, the weakness in his back legs, his trouble jumping on things and all the urinating everywhere. Famously, I just thought he was getting old (that seems to be my go-to diagnosis for everything), but finally a 2nd blood test at the vet ($$$) exposed the glucose problems.

Everyone thought I was crazy to take on injecting insulin twice a day into a cat. The expense! The inconvenience! The futility! And believe me, I thought it was crazy too, but did it anyway. It was hard at first, especially all the vet appointments, which Atlas despised with a deep, deep vicious passion. The vet techs eventually stopped trying to treat him and had to call me in to take him away.

Apparently some cats are like this at the vet

Atlas is more like this

But slowly over the past year, it started to come together.  It took a year to get all of this under control: 

• The Schedule - setting a time to give an insulin injection to a well fed cat at the same time morning and night with my schedule continues to be the biggest challenge. The iPhone alarm helps a lot. 
• The Helpers - at first I tried to do it all myself but eventually I roped in neighbors and friends.  Everyone is now trained to shoot him up.  They are always surprised at how little notice he takes of the needle. 
• The Vet Visits - we had to stop these even though the vet is not happy to keep dispensing insulin without directly observing the patient. The point of the visits was to monitor glucose levels to see if the insulin was working but since Atlas freaked out every time, it was impossible to get good readings.  And it was miserable for all involved. 
• The Food - at first I was buying the very expensive dry diabetic food at the vet and forcing it on him. This made him a sad cat.  Eventually, we researched the best reasonably priced wet food we could buy at HEB and now he is a much happier cat.  Its not what the vet recommends but it seems to be working. 
• The Groomimg - he'd stopped grooming so he was covered in mats. I found an awesome groomer who does house visits. He only bit her once and she only nicked him slightly but everyone considered it a success. 
• The Insulin- the first vial I bought cost $137 and was supposed to last a year but only lasted 30 days.  The dosage increased 6 times while we were doing blood tests and I just couldn't afford it so the vet found a dealer (I guess) who provides me with insulin pens that last about 30 days for $30.  Walgreens interrogates me every time I go in to buy 100 packs of syringes. 
• The Litter box - Tragically, I had to retire the automatic litter box.  This is much more of a pain than shooting him up twice a day. 
• The Downstairs Confinement -  We slashed Atlas' habitat by 50% by blocking off the stairs and moving his new box downstairs. This helps in finding him. 

We knew it was all working when he started to jump up on furniture again, and now he is almost back to his normal self.  Only more social; we like to think it's appreciation. His back legs are straightening and his all consuming thirst has subsided. Yay insulin!!!

Actually we think he's just indestructible. 

Trapped! The Grooming. 

me and my baby

the faces of Atlas...all look pretty much the same

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*Apparently Meow Mix practically causes diabetes in cats but no one freaking told me.

From Me To You is back for the Holidays!

 

Have you ever taken your kid to the store, pretended not to "look" while they picked out your gift AND while you stood in line and paid for it, then went home and wrapped it yourself?!  I know I have, but there is no need for that anymore!

Back for its 3rd year, the Big Brothers Big Sisters holiday gift store for kids, From Me To You, opens December 5th!  The concept is simple: parents sit, relax, watch Christmas movies and drink hot cocoa while their kids shop, assisted by helper elves, in the store where the gifts are displayed on shelves.  Parents make a donation which the kids use to select gifts for mom, dad, grandparents, siblings and friends.  They leave the store with a backpack full of under the tree ready wrapped gifts. All proceeds benefit Big Brothers Big Sisters, a proven youth mentoring organization that provides role models for kids facing adversity.   

the Grand Opening!
is Saturday, December 5 from 1:00 - 5:00 pm 

at 202 Baltimore Ave. | Near the intersection of McCullough & N. St. Mary'

Store hours will be after school and weekends through Dec. 20.  

Call 210-225-6322 for more details.  

Click here for the story of the store's beginnings.

And here for the two posts my dear friend Colleen Pence of San Antonio Mom Blogs did about the store in 2013 and 2014.    

Check it out on the Big Brothers Big Sisters website and Facebook page for more information. 

Wrap presents and take pictures with Santa!

Browse the shelves with a helper elf. 

Free hot chocolate!

Tomorrow, I'm on the Table! #eek

At the ripe old age of nearly half a century, I'm about to have my first real surgery, and under the surface, I'm a basket case. I say "real surgery" because I've gone under the knife 3 times before, but it was for C-Sections, and there was no anesthesia except for the first time when I was 22 and I can't even remember back that far.

I'm terrified of all of it. From the initial diagnosis to getting cleared for surgery, it's been a quiet nightmare in my head.  The health care system is a giant, cold, complex, antiseptic, uncaring, set of people, machines, tests and tubes, waiting rooms, paperwork and bills that make me feel powerless, confused, undecided, frustrated and fearful at best. 

The doctors no longer look at you when they meet with you. Their attention is actually only 5% on you and 95% on the laptop or tablet or PC that they tap at and type in incessantly while you talk, hoping they'll actually make eye contact, and pay attention. They ask the same questions you've already been asked when you called to make the appointment, when you checked in with the receptionist, and when you were seen by the tech. They all tapped and typed in your answers as well, so you wonder, eloquently, in your head: "WTF?!" 

Everyone outside of the health care system has advice. Contradictory advice. The hardest to hear is the advice that this could all go away if I just had more of a commitment to alternative therapies like diet and natural supplements and meditation and whatever else. So let me get this straight:  I'm pretty much putting up with all the machines and the tests and the tubes and the bills and the impending surgery, and you're saying that I just need think my way back to health with positive thoughts and herbal tea? Of course then I was wishing that it were true so badly that, hopeful goofball that I am, I actually googled it. However, I concluded that I'd be dead before I figured all that out. It takes major research and commitment. There's a mineral or a food and/or a vitamin with potential healing properties for every minute of every day and every ailment known to man. I know everyone means well, and I really appreciate the concern.  I never know what to say to people when something like this happens, so I'm just glad people care enough to say anything. 

My favorite parts of this horror story so far have been the very beginning, "Getting the Diagnosis," and the most recent phase, "Getting Cleared for Surgery." 

The Diagnosis:

Me, at work, in the office kitchen, answering an unknown number (Never a good idea, am I right?!) on my cell phone: "Hello?"

Doctor Office Clerk: "Ms Bankhurst? 

Me: "Yes?" 

Clerk: "We have the results of your biopsy, and it's not good news. It looks like it's cancer." 

Me: "Looks like?"

Clerk: "The doctor is referring you to an endocrinologist." 

Me: "What exactly does 'looks like'  mean?" 

Clerk: "Do you have a pen? I have the number for his appointment line." 

Me: "Gah." 

The Clearing For Surgery Call:

Surgery Scheduler: "Ms Bankhurst? 

Me: "Yes."

Surgery Scheduler: "We have the results of your pre-op EKG. It's abnormal."

Me: "What does that mean?"

SS: "The doctor wants me to ask you a few questions to make sure you don't need a cardiac clearance for surgery. Do you or your family members have a history of heart problems or diabetes? Do you get short of breath running up the stairs?" 

Me: "Yes."*

SS: "Ok, I'll get back to you." 

The Next Day:

SS: "You're cleared for surgery." 

Me: "But what about that abnormal EKG?" 

SS: "The doctor says it's fine. Those things are not always accurate." 

Me: Gah.**

So, the end result of this 4 month journey is that tomorrow morning my thyroid is going to be removed. You can't live for very long without a thyroid, so I'll have to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Of course, since my thyroid has, (so I'm told, very scientifically, "worn out,") I'd have to take medication for the rest of my life whether it's removed or not. Either way, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm screwed --unless I've managed in the meantime to hoard a giant supply of synthroid. 

I know so much more than I ever wanted to know about the thyroid and how mine's failure to produce a hormone is probably responsible for a whole host of symptoms*** I've been putting up with for at least a year.  On the positive side, the meds will hopefully result in a reversal of those symptoms, but on the negative side, I'm having my throat slit open in the morning to find out for sure if it is actually cancer and if so, what kind and how far advanced it is in my poor worn out thyroid gland. 

People have been asking me how they can help, and I've decided that maybe scarves will help. I've never been much into that accessory, but if I (and my possibly abnormal EKG heart) live through this by-all-accounts-routine neck slicing tomorrow, I think I see lots of them in my near future.

How I will be feeling in the morning

_____________________________________________________________________
*SS is the 5th person to ask me this question in this practice and I heard him typing and tapping away too..." 

**I've had heart palpitations since that day. 

***dry skin, weight gain, hair loss, and a bunch of other stuff I thought was just all about getting older.

25 things you don't get from an "overhead" percentage

On Tuesday, November 10th, MySanAntonio.com published a post entitled, "Records:  Salaries and expenses of San Antonio nonprofits and their CEO's." The purpose of the post was supposedly to inform potential holiday season donors about how the 28 featured organizations were spending the donations they receive.

My organization was featured in that post, and in the 48 hours that followed I got all kinds of messages basically expressing this: "OMG, did you see this article (with a helpful link)?"  I made the BIG mistake of reading the comments on the article.  Here is a sample of the most offensive ones:  

• Most of the leaders of these non-profits are thieves. They have a cushy job with little oversight. These people are scum and will never get another penny from me.
• If the non-profit execs want to continue to rape the public they need to move into the private sector.
• Discouraging thing is all of the thousands of hours volunteers give to these charities, feeling good about helping, and the CEO's are in it for the big money.
• The head of the Food Bank makes well over 300k per year. Obscene. I had been a donor for years, but I will not give one more penny.
• … more than $300,000 to run the Food Bank? Basically a grocery store that exists (thankfully) to feed poor and destitute families? That's a bit much, folks.
• Then they have the audacity to look you in the eye and ask you to give !!! **

Then I made the bigger mistake of getting caught up in trying to respond to all those comments. As I was driving to work today I was thinking about how sad it is that that post really did nothing at all to  adequately  inform potential holiday season donors about how the 28 featured organizations were spending the donations they receive. So, I thought I would list a few of the most important things anyone should know about my organization that I wish the media would do stories about instead. 

25 Things You Don't Know from Overhead, Salaries, & Admin %'s:

1. How many kids are on our waiting list
2. How long they have to wait
3. The challenges they face on a daily basis
4. How many volunteers we recruited
5. How long it takes us to process them
6. How many training sessions we did
7. How many background checks we did
8. How many references we called on volunteers
9. How many home visits we made
10. How many kids we serve
11. If those kids do better in school
12. If those kids are skipping school
13. If those kids will be promoted to the next grade level
14. If those kids are saying no to drugs, alcohol and tobacco
15. If those kids got in trouble with authorities
16. If those kids will graduate from high school
17. If those kids are going to college
18. If those kids are employable
19. What the kids do with their mentors
20. How many fundraisers we held
21. How many donations we received
22. How many staff we have
23. Anything that we spend money on besides a CEO
24. How satisfied anyone is with our services
25. If we are moving the needle on any social problems our mission is intended to address

What Little You Do Know from that post:

1. The Annual revenue of organization
2. The CEO's Salary (the post doesn't say, but the numbers are actually salary and benefits added together)
3. The Percentage of revenue classified as administrative

The question I am left with is: Which of all of these things would you really most want to know in order to make a decision to donate?  

You can donate to Big Brothers Big Sisters here.  Take it from me, the proud CEO and visionary leader of our mentoring movement, your investment in our organization will be a sound one. 

**I sent that one a donation link. 

A few words in defense of Halloween

There are a lot of pumpkins in my house

Since my kids have grown up surrounded by my love for the spooky, they're always baffled when someone disapproves of Halloween. Throughout the years, they've all had friends whose parents don't allow them to observe Halloween. I've always felt so sad when this happens:

Me or my kid: "What are you gonna be for Halloween?" 

My kid's friend: "I'm not allowed to dress up." OR "My family doesn't do Halloween" 

Me: "Boo." (With all due respect). 

The various reasons given for this boycott over the years have also always been baffling to me: 

1. Halloween encourages involvement in occult activities, witchcraft. 

2. It's the devil's holiday. 

3. It's pagan worship. 

4. It exposes children to evil and hell and other dark things. 

5. The bible says to avoid dark, voodoo magic. 

It's been a while since I or one of my kids had one of these kinds of experiences, I think because my youngest is 13. This happened more frequently when they were younger. But it happened again recently, so I googled it to get more info. I'd never really researched it before, and oh, my!  Some people are very serious about these things

So, a few words in defense:  For my family, Halloween is about candy and costumes, and decorating and parties. It's about laughter and friendship. It's about tradition and sharing. It's about imagination and creativity. It's about hours spent thinking about what to dress up as, and then putting the costume together, together. It's about the warmth of lights and candles. It's about posing for pictures and framing them. It's about silliness and smiles, and make-believe and adventure. It's about recreation and relaxation, and community and camaraderie. And all this is why we have stretched the celebration and observance of what used to be one night, October 31st, into a whole month-long treat! 

I want to be clear that I'm not making fun, trying to change anyone's mind or judging in this post. I respect other's points of view. I especially know how hard it is to raise kids, and I'd prefer parents to err on the side of caution any day.

But I want to assure all Halloween phobic parents out there that none of your fears actually come true. My kids have tried. They've tried to conjure up spirits and cast spells and commune with witches and enter the dark side. They've tried every form of magic, voodoo, and ouji board machinations they can think of. They are really smart kids, ingenious really, so I think that if it were possible to go over to the dark side, they would have achieved it. But, alas, for them, on November 1, they are still the same old goofy kids they were before. Except a little happier, and maybe, just a little magical. 

There is nothing dark or evil going on here

Read more about the Barkhurst Halloween here:  

Cackles, Cauldrons and Cobwebs: our Costume Craze

Baubles and Trinkets and Knickknacks, Oh My!

A Problem With Pumpkins

Missing the Point

Back in July I went to San Francisco and while I was there, I decided that I need to write a book. The purpose of the trip was a conference through the National Council for Community & Education Partnerships for a college/career program called GEAR UP. My nonprofit is a GEAR UP partner with our local school district. We work with 360 students to help them navigate all the challenges on the path to graduate high school successfully. There were lots of great workshops at this conference, but 2 particular sessions back to back, got me all fired up. First was (yet another) session on "Parent Engagement" followed by a session on how to “revamp, renovate, and reinvigorate,” the educational system in America. I couldn’t stop thinking that the presenters in session 2 were missing the whole point of session 1: without parent engagement, the system is nearly always going to fail. 

During the system revamping session we heard a lot of theory. We heard about lots of books and research into how students succeed or why they don't. We heard about promising programs and approaches to engage and motivate students. In the end I was left with the nagging suspicion that they were all ignoring the root cause problem of inadequate parenting. For decades, the education system has been swimming upstream against a current that is going to take it completely down eventually unless something changes positively with regard to this root cause.   The entire education system teeters on the premise, once valid, that parents will get their kids to school. That parents will ensure kids study. That parents will insist that kids respect their teachers. When the system breaks down, it's because the parenting linchpin is faulty. The system can work and work and work and theorize and pilot and innovate itself to death, but until it accepts that it can't work around the broken parenting system, no real progress can be made. Only band aids will continue to be put in place, often expensive band aids.  There are no true answers that don't involve proper parenting, unless the next step for the education system is to evolve into a 24/7 boarding school. 

There was so much PASSION at the conference around helping kids succeed in school and life. And so much talk around about how to work around inadequate parents. Most of the many "parent engagement" workshops I have attended over the years are historically weak, and the efforts ultimately futile because the goal with parents isn't ever to teach them how to be good parents, but how to do specifically what the school wants them to do for their kids at a moment in time. We want to give parents tasks instead of tools.  And we don't start early enough to teach parents how to be good parents.  The current drive for more pre-K programs is a painfully inadequate response to all the not-ready-for-Kinder 5-years olds showing up in public schools.  In a few years we will start to look backwards even more to develop a program in response to all the 3 and 4 years olds showing up not ready for pre-K.   

We've let the education system get this bad by refusing to accept that the root cause of student failure is actually insufficient parenting. It's not the teachers, or the textbooks, or the facilities or the school polices or student motivation that is the real problem. If we resourced all the reasons parents lack parenting skills at the same level that we have endlessly and fruitlessly resourced the education system, things might be different. Why don't we see this?  This is what I need to research and think more on, but I suspect it is a combination of helplessness and judging.  We develop school based programs because we can control what happens in the school.  We don't develop home based programs because we have so little control over what happens there.  Control and access.  Plus we tend to ruthlessly judge poor parenting - as if everyone should just know everything the minute that baby arrives. 

Shortly after I attended this conference and was struck by a desire to learn more about the breakdown between parenting and the education system and write about it, I saw a video on Facebook called “Technology has high jacked family dinnertime. Watch Pepper hacker reclaim it.” Basically, the parents in this video appear to have no authority over their kids’ use of smart phones and tablets at the dinner table so they must resort to using a device that surreptitiously interrupts service - a device disguised as a pepper shaker.  Pepper shaker as parent.  It is no wonder that schools are having to feed, clothe and discipline kids today.  If parents can’t make kids put away their phones during dinner, how can they be expected to make them do their homework?  Or even go to school at all?  If this is the future of parenting, America is doomed. 

Who Mentored You?

Think back to your childhood.

Who Mentored You?

Big Brothers Big Sisters is betting that you have stories to tell.  Maybe it was a parent or grandparent who helped you navigate the challenges of childhood.  Maybe you had a teacher or counselor who was instrumental in your development.  Or a coach, or someone in your church, or your Boy Scout or Girl Scout Leader was there when you needed them.  Or your Big Brother or Big Sister.  Maybe you had multiple mentors.  No one does it alone.

In celebration of Big Brothers Big Sisters' move to its new South Texas Mentoring Resource Center in early 2016, we are hoping that you, and everyone in our community, will celebrate with us to identify and commemorate the people who helped you get where you are today.   

It's easy, just post a few words, a picture or a video to a Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and use the hashtag #WhoMentoredYou.  If you are friend-ed to or follow Big Brothers Big Sisters, you can also tag us @BBBSST on Twitter or Instagram, or on Facebook where we are BigBrothers BigSisters.   If you're not on any of those social media sites, post anyway to honor your mentor and use #WhoMentoredYou.  We'll be looking for stories everywhere.

Personally, I have so many mentors to honor.  I wrote a blog post Allies in Life in 2013 in recognition of everyone who was instrumental in helping me graduate from college.  The first person in that narrative, other than relatives, who was instrumental in my academic development was my 5th grade English teacher.  Here is my post to him:

I will never forget my 5th grade English teacher.  The picture below is of a paper I have kept for almost 40 years.  Any mentor who has ever wondered if  he or she could ever have an impact on a kid, take note of the the 4 words written by my teacher at the end of my story that affected me so deeply:  'This is the best!"  

The first page had another note at the top of the page:  "See Me!" it said, and I thought I was in trouble for using my mom's steno pad to do my homework on (I never had "real" notebook paper).  After class I went up to him and he flipped to the back of the story and told me that my story had "wonderful dialog" and "extraordinary punctuation" and that I was "definitely a writer!" Oh joy, oh happiness, and what confidence this gave me! 

Your story does not have to be as long as mine, or it can be longer.  We just hope you'll share it.   So, to recap: 

 
1.  HONOR YOUR CHILDHOOD MENTOR
Preserve the legacy of your mentor by writing a few sentences, post a picture or video from then or now of you and the person who you couldn't have made it without.

2.  POST THOSE STORIES on your favorite social media site using #WhoMentoredYou

3.  WE WILL COLLECT YOUR STORIES and show them at the Grand Opening of our new home!  Each mentor's story, photo, video will be included in a commemorative video and anyone who posts a story about his or her mentor will be invited to our opening night party!

For more information call 210-225-6322 or email info@bigmentor.org or visit this #WhoMentoredYou link on our website.