To Santa, or not to Santa?

My youngest daughter is 11 and she still believes in Santa.  What a magical bonus this is for her childhood!

I'm not saying she doesn't have doubts. I'm pretty sure that at this point she's choosing to believe in Santa because she doesn't want to let go of the magic, and I wholeheartedly support that. 

Childhood is so short. And some of it is so hard. Santa Claus and presents and sleighs and magical reindeer dust are parts of one of the really pure, sweet, fun perks of childhood:  Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Saint Nick, Father Christmas -- by any name, he is widely known as a bringer of joy and happiness. For example, he is so amazing that we knew instantly that things were gonna get better in Narnia just because Santa finally came around.  He shut that White Queen down!

I've always told my kids that their childhoods are going to be so short. "This is your childhood," I tell them, holding my thumb and forefinger just slightly apart to illustrate a tiny slice of life. "And this is the rest of your life," throwing my arms wide to drive home my point. "Don't be in a hurry to get through your childhood. It will be over too soon anyway." Of course after all these years I don't even have to say the second part anymore:  as soon as I say 'this is your childhood' they finish my sentence for me. The older two are 25 and 20 and have never been in a hurry to grow up.  And I've even heard them tell this to others now. Our kids may roll their eyes, but they're still listening. Even my Little Brother in the BBBS program knows this!

Naughty and Nice in 2012

Seriously though, in a world where childhoods are full of Honey Boo Boo and Miley Cyrus what parent wouldn't want to capitalize on the sweetness of Santa Claus? Santa stands for Love and Giving. He's all about making people happy. He's selfless and unassuming. He has a joyous laugh. He ponders ethical questions.  He's a hard worker.  His employees love him. This is a good role model. 

Some people don't like Santa. These people are kinda Grinchy. The typical arguments they have against him fall into 2 basic categories:

a) He's too commercial, and/or takes away from the "true meaning" of Christmas, or

b) He's a myth, (i.e. I'd be lying to my child)

The commercialism/true meaning of Christmas issue usually has to do with the belief that Santa detracts from the fact that the purpose of Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  We believe that if your faith is strong enough, there's room for two.  Our personal stable is big enough for both the Baby Jesus and all 8 reindeer, plus Rudolph.  When someone says "Christmas is all about Santa," it's not his fault they've lost their faith or can't get themselves to church. 

As for the "lying to your children" issue, I very scientifically consulted both my older children and Wikipedia.   Wikipedia agreed with me that no children were harmed in this experiment, and my oldest daughter Ariel, now 25, had this to say when I asked her when she knew or wondered about the existence of Santa:  "When I was in the 5th grade and y'all got us that playhouse I came downstairs and thought, 'Wow, they had to do that all by themselves last night." 

I just don't see a downside here. 

I asked Lacey, the middle child, age 20, the same question and our conversation ended with her sending me a long list of beloved family traditions that will be the subject of my next blog post. 

One thing Lacey reminded me of in particular is the year that my ex-husband expressed to me that he did not like Santa "getting credit" for all the presents. He said that the kids "should know" that we, their parents, bought them the presents.  I tried to say that "their childhoods are this short"....but he was not impressed.  That was the year the kids got presents with gift tags from "Tweety-Bird," "Tinkerbell," "Sean Elliott" and "Rudolph."  Lacey was about 12 then and she says this was a "big clue."  The ex shoudla learned how to wrap.  ;p

The bottom line for me is that there is such joy in both giving and receiving presents and Santa is the embodiment of that beautiful concept.  Sure, you could outlaw Santa and just keep it all in the family.  But that's just not as.... magical.  We have birthdays for that.  And other holidays.  And like it or not, during the holiday season, Santa is everywhere  - you just can't escape him. And you know the old saying, if you cant beat' em, join 'em!  So, if you're a young parent and struggling about whether or not to support the spirit of Santa, I say struggle no more!  Get on the Santa bus now - it's a wild but innocent ride! 

Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!

Bonus link:  you should believe in magic....

My childhood stocking :)

Simple Magic

Our Big Brothers Big Sisters holiday gift store "From Me To You" opens this week! I thought I would mark the occasion by writing about my Big Brothers Big Sisters journey (hereafter BBBS).  But first a few pictures of the store:

Relax by the fire in our waiting area with a cup of hot cocoa...

...while your kids gift shop in the store!

I didn't realize it at the time, but my first exposure to BBBS started in late 1970's when I saw public service announcements as a kid watching NFL football games with my dad.  Years later I went in for a job interview for a part time case management position at BBBS of Oklahoma City in 1995.   My impression of the organization at that point was literally that it helped poor inner city kids by throwing footballs around with them.  And it kind of does just that.  It's simple magic.

Working as a case manager for BBBS I got to hear from kids, parents and volunteers who not only really enjoyed the program but felt that they were doing something truly meaningful and worthwhile.  I did too - especially after talking to a kid who had grown up after having a Big Brother for 2 years in middle school.  This 25 year old told me that he wouldn't be graduating college if it hadn't been for his Big Brother taking him to visit the Oklahoma University campus and telling him that he could dream bigger and aim higher.  Since that day I've heard countless stories from everyone involved in the program about how much the program impacts their lives.  Simple, but powerful, magic.

I've had many roles in the organization over 15 years but I'm currently the CEO --so the fact that there are 1,200 kids on the waiting list is my responsibility.  We always have kids on the waiting list!  Kids who just want a friend, someone to hang out with, with parents who have signed them up because they need help now.  Even though we match up to 50 new kids each month there are also 150 new kids applying to get a Big Brother or Big Sisters every month as well!  So what to do to raise more money?  Because we know that we do works and we want to bring this program to more kids.  What would you do? 

Open up a gift store in the mall?  It's holiday retail magic!     

So, that's what we're doing!  Tell all of your friends to come out and spend some money (ie make a donation)!!!!  :)  We've got lots of fun gifts! We are:

• in Rolling Oaks Mall,
• upstairs, just outside of Macy's, 
• right above Santa, 
• for 26 days starting on Black Friday.  

Not only can kids shop and wrap their own gifts, but they can make holiday cards and mail letters to Santa.  Parents can relax and watch holiday movies while Elf Helpers shop with the kids. All proceeds, of course, go back to BBBS. 

I want to give a Big shout out of thanks to these SA Bloggers who came out last week to preview the store:   Colleen at San Antonio Mom Blogs, Tori at the sTORIbook, Lori at My Six Ring Circus, Inga at San Antonio Charter Moms, Stacy at Kid's Stuff World, Kristina at Hott Mama in the City, Ashley at living in the (mom)ent, and Telma at the Fire Hydrant.  Y'all were our first customers - I hope we are a big magical success and you remember us back when!  :)

Thanksgiving Trimmings

So, I might have been to busy to blog this past week, but I'm never too busy to decorate!  Here are a few of my favorite Thanksgiving trimmings. 

Wall calendar

Autumn Baubles

Turkey pot holder I have never actually used to hold a pot

Cute scarecrow

Front door decor

Favorite, on the mantel over the fireplace

2nd favorite

Pillow

I collect bells

Adorable turkey

More adorable

I've had these forever

Happy Holidays!

Character Connections

Engrossed in a Nancy Drew mystery novel in the 70's

Nothing has brought me more joy in life than books. Except maybe my children. But in a different way. Because in books I've had hundreds of children, vicariously, which is a much easier way to have children.

A few months ago I created a Pinterest Board called Books I Loved as A Kid and Read Over and Over Again.  This scrapbook board is a loving tribute to the stories and characters that shaped my childhood, and probably the person I am today.  The reasons I had to read same books over and over again were:

• I only had a few books;
• I loved them more every time I read them; and
• Our neighborhood bookmobile showed up about once a month if we were lucky and only let me take a few books at a time (despite my earnest pleading)

The sight of a Bookmobile today still makes me feel happy

As a result of reading the same books over and over again, I would venture to say that my character development was much influenced by the many beloved characters in these books. Therefore, I'm pretty sure that I grew up to be a combination of the following:

• Trixie Belden  
• Nancy Drew
• Betsy Ray 
• Jo March 
• Huckleberry Finn
• Merlin
• Queen Elizabeth I
• Archie Goodwin
• Johnny Tremain
• Anne Frank
• Harriet Tubman
• Jane Addams 
• Charlotte the Spider
• Alice in Wonderland 
• Atticus Finch
• And the sappy heroines of the paperback Harlequin Romance novels of the 70's and 80's

In turn, this makes me an old-fashioned, romantic, naive, inquisitive, intrepid, self-conscious, confused, mercurial, tragic, pioneering, persevering, skeptical, rebellious, philosophical, optimistic, sarcastic, magical, activist, writer, social worker CEO.

Or maybe I have multiple personality disorder.   :D

I also read "In Cold Blood" many times but I don't particularly identify with any of its heinous characters although I did become a little obsessed reading about Truman Capote for a while. Not sure how that factors in to the picture.  

I still love to read and collect my favorite books which I keep in my Library Loft.  I'm also lucky to have raised 3 kids who like to read.  I think that having books around the house is critical in helping kids discover the joys of reading - and as fabulous as the e-reader may be, that's just not the same thing in terms of providing physical fodder to facilitate literacy on a daily basis at home; especially for the younger kids.  Dr Seuss may be available on the Kindle or on your kid's reading app, but I just don't think that's a proper substitute for the book itself.  And if it's out of sight (i.e. turned off) it's out of mind.  In our home there are books everywhere. 

Books in the bedroom

Books(and pictures of course) in the living room

Books in the loft

Books in Zoe's room

Books in the closet

Books we are going to give away

Allies in Life

As we enter in this month of Thanksgiving I'm reflecting on everything that I have to be grateful for and everything that I have achieved in life.  I have to say that my Bachelor's degree in Social Work is one of the things that I really cherish.  It was hard won. Only about 34% of Texans have college degrees and I'm happy to be one of those lucky ones. 

Luck has indeed played a big part in my life, but there were also so many people along the way who helped me develop into the person I am today.  As we say in the mentoring world, these are the people who helped me to develop the assets I needed to overcome the many and varied challenges of childhood and young adulthood. 

Of course, there are my parents who created the expectation that I would go to college one day and gave me the structure and boundaries I needed to get through high school and become a relatively highly functioning grown-up. They also helped shape my parenting skills that have played a huge part in keeping my 3 girls on the right track. So far. ;p

Some of my K-12 teachers were a huge influence.  My 3rd grade Math teacher, 5th grade English teacher, 10th grade Geometry teacher and 12th grade English teacher in particular were exceptional and life-defining.  I deeply appreciate their passion and commitment to teaching with gusto! They all brought learning to life with such individual authenticity that I still remember them vividly and fondly today. Providing the praise, encouragement and support I needed academically increased my self esteem to the point that I was driven to keep going and do even better. I owe them so much. 

There was also a special adult who was kind of a "Big Sister" to me in high school although I didn't  realize it at the time. Her name was Mary. She came along at a time when I was feeling very sorry for myself, and probably was insufferable around most adults. She listened, sympathized and hugged and it made all the difference at the right time. I might have gone down a different path without her. I used to babysit her kids. She probably has no idea what she did for me and I have no idea where she is today. 

I also have my ex- husband to thank for encouraging me to finish college even though he secretly thinks women are inferior to men and should mostly just be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Every once in a while he does a good deed. 

I ended up at at Texas Tech University in 1991 - seven years after I had graduated high school - with almost 100 college credits from 4 other colleges and universities that I had accumulated initially as a student at San Antonio College for 1 1/2 years and then a military spouse who had moved 6 times in 5 years.  My travels including being stationed overseas where I took some awesome classes at the University of Maryland that were very "hands-on." My favorites were:

• "Population Biology," a junior level course that took us to the white cliffs of Dover where we collected and analyzed the white chalky rock - some of which I saved and have in a glass vial in my library today. The professor was a zany nutcase but we learned a lot. 

• "The History of Britain" was also a favorite, which incorporated a series of arduous but exciting bus trips around the country that took us to many, many historic sites including my all-time favorite, Westminster Abbey. I heart History. And how cool is it to take the history of Britain in Britain by traveling to to historically significant places?!

When I arrived in Lubbock I was determined to graduate, finally, from college, but I had many random credits and no major. I met with a guidance counselor who told me that, as a military spouse, I should become a teacher or a nurse because there would always be a school or hospital somewhere around no matter where I happened to be stationed. She probably thought she was giving me good advice, but I was underwhelmed. I took home the course catalog and read it cover to cover and was intrigued by the description of the course on Social Work Policy, which I immediately signed up for. 

I became a BSW candidate and I definitely would not be where I am today without Dr Jerry Matthews of the Texas Tech School of Social Work. But first I must give a shout out to Dr Roberto Bravo. He was determined that I would minor in Spanish and not waste my "ear for language" on a "duplicative" Sociology minor.  I didn't. Although I can't really speak it anymore I understand if people speak slowly enough, and an extensive knowledge of Spanish is helpful living in San Antonio.

I'm not sure if I was convinced that I'd really actually graduate at Tech. A Bachelor's degree was a dream, sure, but part of me felt that this was just another school at just another duty station. And there'd be another. And another. But Dr. Matthews told me to get it done already and get out into the field (I had been working at banks up to this point; there are always banks wherever you go). And most importantly, Dr. Matthews let me take 2 summer classes concurrently (that were supposed to be taken consecutively) from home while I was convalescing from a C-section after having my middle daughter, Lacey.  These two classes were Human Behavior and Development I & II, and the concept of virtual learning or taking a class at home was unheard of in 1993 (I graduated only having used a computer once, but that's another story). I practically memorized the textbook and it has a special place on my library shelves today. I got like 105's on every test I went in for. I was determined to make his faith and investment in me worth it!

When I went in for advisement meetings he gave me the confidence to reach for the degree in a way I really hadn't done before. I began to think it was possible to make it happen before I had to move away with my Air Force husband again. And I did! In December 1994, 10 1/2 years after graduating from high school I graduated Summa Cum Laude - a perfect 4.0 - from Texas Tech University with a Bachelor of Social Work! 

As a technical aside, I have to acknowledge the contribution of the harried secretary to the Dean of my college who finagled an interview  for me with the Dean in which I was able to convince him to let me take the CLEP tests for freshman English and Biology.  It helped that I was 6 months pregnant with one kid and had a 4 year old in tow. He gave me permission to test ("1 time only" which was all I needed, Hello?) for 11 hours of biology and English credit. I had to study my ASS off with only 48 hours notice before the tests but it was worth it. I still cant believe I got 8 hours of Biology by taking tests. I'm pretty sure I could have CLEP'd every English class they had to offer, but biology!? These CLEPS were necessary to replace classes I had already taken but that didn't transfer for actual credit - which was just criminal if you ask me. 

Finally, I give thanks to the mom who birthed me as well as my paternal grandmother (whom you met already in this tribute blog). From what I have heard and seen in pictures, they lovingly nurtured me from birth to age 3 which we all know are such critical, critical years. I may not remember any of it but I wouldn't be who I am today without it. I'm absolutely sure that without the foundation they gave me I would not have had the resiliency I needed to get through the rest of my childhood. My Granny also sowed the seeds that grew into my compulsive need to decorate for the holidays, but that is also another story. 

So thanks to all these people, from me. I hope that during this month of Thanksgiving that anyone who reads this is compelled to thank the ones who mentored them and helped them get where they are today. And if anyone is compelled further, to give back, you know where to call:  Big Brothers Big Sisters at bigmentor.org. No one can do it all alone. We all need allies in life.

My next post will be about all the people I met in books and how they shaped my life.  Books are my best friends - for which I am very thankful! 

Slumber Can Be Tricky

My  11 year old can sleep anywhere, anytime

No matter what age I am, sleep is a problem. When I was a teenager, I couldn't get enough. Getting up for school during my high school years was pure miserable torture. I especially remember routinely falling asleep doing my utterly boring Algebra homework. I tried. so. hard. to stay awake, but the next thing I knew my mom was throwing open my bedroom door and saying "time to get up" and I would groan, roll over and realize that my pencil was stuck to my cheek and I was still wearing yesterday's clothes. 

Following my high school graduation I was working at McDonalds and going to San Antonio Junior College and doing my best to party as much as possible. There was no time for sleep on a regular basis.  My hours were crazy, life was full, and experiences were to be had at any cost.  Some days I would "open" at McDonalds which meant I had to be there at 4 am. Other days I closed and didn't leave until 2 am.  A few times I opened and closed in the same day.  I averaged about 2 hours of sleep a day.  I think I survived because of the binge sleep days that occurred about 3 -4 times a month when I would sleep 12-14 straight hours. Ah, to be so young and indestructible!

My first pregnancy, in 1987-1988, was a sleep nightmare. That whole waking up 26 times a night to pee thing might be good preparation for the getting up with a newborn every 2 hours, but it nearly drove me insane.  9 months of never sleeping through the night followed by 6 months of the same, but with an infant!  Having a baby at age 22 and dealing with the brutal infancy stage was, in retrospect, a piece of cake, though. A 22 year old is resilient and strong. Later when I had my third child at 36 I became stupid from the lack of sleep immediately after her birth. She had acid reflux and for the first 2 months it was rare for her to sleep more than 20 minutes at a time.  Someone finally told me to take the wheels off of half of her crib so she would be at a slight incline.  I wish I could remember who told me that because I think they saved my life. 

But it was with the middle kid (I was 27) that the lack of sleep infancy stage was at it's most sad, but kinda funny.  I was (still) in college and, determined to graduate (on the 10 year plan) as well as determined to provide my oldest with a sibling, I timed my pregnancy so that the birth would occur in the few weeks between the end of the spring semester and the beginning of the first summer session. I was exhausted and my husband went on a long TDY in the Air Force about 4 weeks after she was born.  There was this dog next door that would bark all night long.  One night I was sitting in the rocking chair nursing and started actually hallucinating from a lack of sleep. There were ghostly shapes flying all over the room.  I freaked out and called my husband sobbing and he told me to calm down and go next door and ask the neighbors to do something about the dog.  I knocked on their door (it's like 2 am) and I babbled some incoherent story about seeing ghosts and hearing barking and I know they thought I was going off the deep end.  But they brought the dog in and I never heard it bark again. 

The consequences of spacing my kids out (they are now 25, 20 and 11) were that it wasn't until about 6 years ago that the opportunity to sleep straight 8 uninterrupted hours on a regular basis became possible again. No infants needing to be fed, no toddlers getting out of bed, no nightmares and requests for drinks of water.  No fevers or ear infections or upset tummies.  I think I had one good year of sleep and then, I turned 40.   Suddenly I was waking up at 3 am for no good reason?  Wide awake.  I asked my doctor about it and he said this was common for women over 40.  What the heck?!  This was cruel and usual. For about 3 or 4 years I tried everyone's suggestions:  make sure the room is cool and dark, keep to a schedule (as if), don't eat or drink anything several hours before bed,etc.  Nothing really worked.  And then, for no apparent reason, I just started sleeping better again.

Sometimes I still wake up at 3 am but I fall back asleep.  These days I feel like I've come full circle  - back to those Algebra homework days, only with books.  I have so many books I want to read and the only time I have to read is at bedtime.  I try. so. hard. to stay awake and read but generally I'm snoozing after only a paragraph.  And the next thing I know my alarm clock is going off at 6 am and I groan and wish for the weekend (when I wake up at 6 am anyway, but at least I can go back to reading my book!

From Me To You

Shelf of Love: Gifts my kids made me in school over the years

This is the story of how I came to be in the process of opening a gift store focused on a child's shopping experience in the Rolling Oaks Mall this year.

During the holiday season of 1997 I participated in the absolute best PTA fundraiser ever. My oldest daughter brought home a flyer in her backpack that said:

"Bring your child to Santa's PTA Holiday Gift Store tonight to shop for his/her family, friends and teacher!" 

Despite the short notice (don't get me started - see previous blog post), I was intrigued. At this point in my life I had a 4th grader and a 4 year old, we had moved 9 times in 11 years as a military family, and I was tired and pretty close to running out of innovative kid gift giving ideas. Here are a few of  our holiday gift-giving ideas for gifts from the kids: 

A poem from 5 year old Ariel to me

• Draw pictures
• Write songs
• Write poems
• Exchange stuffed animals 
• Coupon books
• Things they brought home from school
• Dollar Store
• Walmart

My oldest was an accomplished artist very early on, so the picture drawing was always fun for her. You'd think it was a cheap option too- but it always seemed to involve an expensive trip to Michaels for special paper, pencils, and all the trimmings. Poems and songs were fun too.  I've framed and hung some of the poems and pictures in the house over the years. 

The year where we discovered the "coupon book" was awesome, and we've used that one many times since. My current coupon book is a little low on foot massages. I may have to start dropping hints to Zoe for Christmas 2013.

Love!

Exchanging stuffed animals only works when they are really little and it can't be that special one, of course. But the selection, wrapping and giving process was pretty neat. The girls did adoption certificates for each others' animals along with "Care and Feeding Instructions." 

The stuff they sporadically brought home from school was usually just for me, mom; a couple of years, dad got lucky too.

The harder years were when they got a little older and started throwing around words like "allowance." They seemed to think I should give them a budget and turn them loose in the store with cash. Which I've done. Those were not the best years.  They usually involved crowds of people in Wal-Mart.  Ugh. 

Another favorite:  Have you ever taken your kid to the store, pretended not to "look" while they picked out your gift AND while you stood in line and paid for it?!  Well, I have. Sure there were a few years their father took them, but the burden was usually mine. 

So, back to that intriguing flyer. We decided to go to the school gym for this fundraiser. Here's what happened: we walked in the door where we were greeted by a high school student "Elf" who took both the 4th grader and the 4 year old (bonus!) to a small table to fill out a "gift wish list."  I was asked by one of the PTA organizers what my child's "gift budget" was (i.e. what was the amount I was willing to donate to the PTA). The Elf was told what my child's budget was and they completed the wish list.

Then they disappeared behind a curtain to "Santa's Shop."  About 15 minutes later the 4th grader emerged, proudly toting a big brown paper bag with a straw handle, followed by the 4 year old toddling behind her with a similar bag. These bags were filled with small clumsily, but lovingly wrapped gifts for me, my husband, each other and their teachers. The kids each had a bag of "under the tree ready" Christmas presents! Oh the joy! Oh the happiness! They were beaming. 

Both girls were so very proud and pleased with themselves after their trip to Santa's Gift Shoppe. On Christmas morning they were so excited when we opened the gifts. Mine was a mug. I think it said "mom." I don't remember any of the other gifts, but I'll never forget the girl's faces.

I only lived in Virginia that one year. In 1998 I was back in San Antonio and have been looking for that kid-shopping-gift-giving opportunity ever since. 

To be honest, what actually happened that night at the fundraiser and what I've filled in and embellished over the years are all jumbled together now and comprise my vision for our store: "From Me To You": care/of Big Brothers Big Sisters.  I've thought about trying it as a fundraiser for so many years that I've added to it for 15 years and now it's going to happen. :) 

Save Your Pennies, Kids!

Next Saturday, October 26, 2013, we are having a "preview" of this store (if we manage to be ready in time.) The mall has an event called "Boo Bash" and a thousand kids have been invited. We are inviting everyone we know too and giving out piggy banks to all the kids and inviting them back for our Grand Opening on Black Friday. They'll be able to see samples of what we'll be selling, and we want their feedback on gifts we might not have thought of. We'll also be asking parents what they think of our comfy waiting room and how we can improve that for them. The store is separated into 2 halves: the gift shop and the waiting room. Both sides are visible from outside the store through the mall's glass shop windows.

I will be posting pictures as soon as I have them. 

"From Me To You" care/of Big Brothers Big Sisters Gift Store

The store will only be open for 26 days, until Christmas Eve. 100% of the proceeds will go to Big Brothers Big Sisters and all contributions towards a child's shopping budget are tax deductible. Donations can also be made to the organization in honor of anyone you'd like to buy a holiday gift for. You'll be helping an at risk kid get a life saving, life changing Big Brother or Big Sister however you choose to participate. 

Hope to see you all there!