Character Connections

Engrossed in a Nancy Drew mystery novel in the 70's

Nothing has brought me more joy in life than books. Except maybe my children. But in a different way. Because in books I've had hundreds of children, vicariously, which is a much easier way to have children.

A few months ago I created a Pinterest Board called Books I Loved as A Kid and Read Over and Over Again.  This scrapbook board is a loving tribute to the stories and characters that shaped my childhood, and probably the person I am today.  The reasons I had to read same books over and over again were:

• I only had a few books;
• I loved them more every time I read them; and
• Our neighborhood bookmobile showed up about once a month if we were lucky and only let me take a few books at a time (despite my earnest pleading)

The sight of a Bookmobile today still makes me feel happy

As a result of reading the same books over and over again, I would venture to say that my character development was much influenced by the many beloved characters in these books. Therefore, I'm pretty sure that I grew up to be a combination of the following:

• Trixie Belden  
• Nancy Drew
• Betsy Ray 
• Jo March 
• Huckleberry Finn
• Merlin
• Queen Elizabeth I
• Archie Goodwin
• Johnny Tremain
• Anne Frank
• Harriet Tubman
• Jane Addams 
• Charlotte the Spider
• Alice in Wonderland 
• Atticus Finch
• And the sappy heroines of the paperback Harlequin Romance novels of the 70's and 80's

In turn, this makes me an old-fashioned, romantic, naive, inquisitive, intrepid, self-conscious, confused, mercurial, tragic, pioneering, persevering, skeptical, rebellious, philosophical, optimistic, sarcastic, magical, activist, writer, social worker CEO.

Or maybe I have multiple personality disorder.   :D

I also read "In Cold Blood" many times but I don't particularly identify with any of its heinous characters although I did become a little obsessed reading about Truman Capote for a while. Not sure how that factors in to the picture.  

I still love to read and collect my favorite books which I keep in my Library Loft.  I'm also lucky to have raised 3 kids who like to read.  I think that having books around the house is critical in helping kids discover the joys of reading - and as fabulous as the e-reader may be, that's just not the same thing in terms of providing physical fodder to facilitate literacy on a daily basis at home; especially for the younger kids.  Dr Seuss may be available on the Kindle or on your kid's reading app, but I just don't think that's a proper substitute for the book itself.  And if it's out of sight (i.e. turned off) it's out of mind.  In our home there are books everywhere. 

Books in the bedroom

Books(and pictures of course) in the living room

Books in the loft

Books in Zoe's room

Books in the closet

Books we are going to give away

Allies in Life

As we enter in this month of Thanksgiving I'm reflecting on everything that I have to be grateful for and everything that I have achieved in life.  I have to say that my Bachelor's degree in Social Work is one of the things that I really cherish.  It was hard won. Only about 34% of Texans have college degrees and I'm happy to be one of those lucky ones. 

Luck has indeed played a big part in my life, but there were also so many people along the way who helped me develop into the person I am today.  As we say in the mentoring world, these are the people who helped me to develop the assets I needed to overcome the many and varied challenges of childhood and young adulthood. 

Of course, there are my parents who created the expectation that I would go to college one day and gave me the structure and boundaries I needed to get through high school and become a relatively highly functioning grown-up. They also helped shape my parenting skills that have played a huge part in keeping my 3 girls on the right track. So far. ;p

Some of my K-12 teachers were a huge influence.  My 3rd grade Math teacher, 5th grade English teacher, 10th grade Geometry teacher and 12th grade English teacher in particular were exceptional and life-defining.  I deeply appreciate their passion and commitment to teaching with gusto! They all brought learning to life with such individual authenticity that I still remember them vividly and fondly today. Providing the praise, encouragement and support I needed academically increased my self esteem to the point that I was driven to keep going and do even better. I owe them so much. 

There was also a special adult who was kind of a "Big Sister" to me in high school although I didn't  realize it at the time. Her name was Mary. She came along at a time when I was feeling very sorry for myself, and probably was insufferable around most adults. She listened, sympathized and hugged and it made all the difference at the right time. I might have gone down a different path without her. I used to babysit her kids. She probably has no idea what she did for me and I have no idea where she is today. 

I also have my ex- husband to thank for encouraging me to finish college even though he secretly thinks women are inferior to men and should mostly just be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Every once in a while he does a good deed. 

I ended up at at Texas Tech University in 1991 - seven years after I had graduated high school - with almost 100 college credits from 4 other colleges and universities that I had accumulated initially as a student at San Antonio College for 1 1/2 years and then a military spouse who had moved 6 times in 5 years.  My travels including being stationed overseas where I took some awesome classes at the University of Maryland that were very "hands-on." My favorites were:

• "Population Biology," a junior level course that took us to the white cliffs of Dover where we collected and analyzed the white chalky rock - some of which I saved and have in a glass vial in my library today. The professor was a zany nutcase but we learned a lot. 

• "The History of Britain" was also a favorite, which incorporated a series of arduous but exciting bus trips around the country that took us to many, many historic sites including my all-time favorite, Westminster Abbey. I heart History. And how cool is it to take the history of Britain in Britain by traveling to to historically significant places?!

When I arrived in Lubbock I was determined to graduate, finally, from college, but I had many random credits and no major. I met with a guidance counselor who told me that, as a military spouse, I should become a teacher or a nurse because there would always be a school or hospital somewhere around no matter where I happened to be stationed. She probably thought she was giving me good advice, but I was underwhelmed. I took home the course catalog and read it cover to cover and was intrigued by the description of the course on Social Work Policy, which I immediately signed up for. 

I became a BSW candidate and I definitely would not be where I am today without Dr Jerry Matthews of the Texas Tech School of Social Work. But first I must give a shout out to Dr Roberto Bravo. He was determined that I would minor in Spanish and not waste my "ear for language" on a "duplicative" Sociology minor.  I didn't. Although I can't really speak it anymore I understand if people speak slowly enough, and an extensive knowledge of Spanish is helpful living in San Antonio.

I'm not sure if I was convinced that I'd really actually graduate at Tech. A Bachelor's degree was a dream, sure, but part of me felt that this was just another school at just another duty station. And there'd be another. And another. But Dr. Matthews told me to get it done already and get out into the field (I had been working at banks up to this point; there are always banks wherever you go). And most importantly, Dr. Matthews let me take 2 summer classes concurrently (that were supposed to be taken consecutively) from home while I was convalescing from a C-section after having my middle daughter, Lacey.  These two classes were Human Behavior and Development I & II, and the concept of virtual learning or taking a class at home was unheard of in 1993 (I graduated only having used a computer once, but that's another story). I practically memorized the textbook and it has a special place on my library shelves today. I got like 105's on every test I went in for. I was determined to make his faith and investment in me worth it!

When I went in for advisement meetings he gave me the confidence to reach for the degree in a way I really hadn't done before. I began to think it was possible to make it happen before I had to move away with my Air Force husband again. And I did! In December 1994, 10 1/2 years after graduating from high school I graduated Summa Cum Laude - a perfect 4.0 - from Texas Tech University with a Bachelor of Social Work! 

As a technical aside, I have to acknowledge the contribution of the harried secretary to the Dean of my college who finagled an interview  for me with the Dean in which I was able to convince him to let me take the CLEP tests for freshman English and Biology.  It helped that I was 6 months pregnant with one kid and had a 4 year old in tow. He gave me permission to test ("1 time only" which was all I needed, Hello?) for 11 hours of biology and English credit. I had to study my ASS off with only 48 hours notice before the tests but it was worth it. I still cant believe I got 8 hours of Biology by taking tests. I'm pretty sure I could have CLEP'd every English class they had to offer, but biology!? These CLEPS were necessary to replace classes I had already taken but that didn't transfer for actual credit - which was just criminal if you ask me. 

Finally, I give thanks to the mom who birthed me as well as my paternal grandmother (whom you met already in this tribute blog). From what I have heard and seen in pictures, they lovingly nurtured me from birth to age 3 which we all know are such critical, critical years. I may not remember any of it but I wouldn't be who I am today without it. I'm absolutely sure that without the foundation they gave me I would not have had the resiliency I needed to get through the rest of my childhood. My Granny also sowed the seeds that grew into my compulsive need to decorate for the holidays, but that is also another story. 

So thanks to all these people, from me. I hope that during this month of Thanksgiving that anyone who reads this is compelled to thank the ones who mentored them and helped them get where they are today. And if anyone is compelled further, to give back, you know where to call:  Big Brothers Big Sisters at bigmentor.org. No one can do it all alone. We all need allies in life.

My next post will be about all the people I met in books and how they shaped my life.  Books are my best friends - for which I am very thankful! 

Slumber Can Be Tricky

My  11 year old can sleep anywhere, anytime

No matter what age I am, sleep is a problem. When I was a teenager, I couldn't get enough. Getting up for school during my high school years was pure miserable torture. I especially remember routinely falling asleep doing my utterly boring Algebra homework. I tried. so. hard. to stay awake, but the next thing I knew my mom was throwing open my bedroom door and saying "time to get up" and I would groan, roll over and realize that my pencil was stuck to my cheek and I was still wearing yesterday's clothes. 

Following my high school graduation I was working at McDonalds and going to San Antonio Junior College and doing my best to party as much as possible. There was no time for sleep on a regular basis.  My hours were crazy, life was full, and experiences were to be had at any cost.  Some days I would "open" at McDonalds which meant I had to be there at 4 am. Other days I closed and didn't leave until 2 am.  A few times I opened and closed in the same day.  I averaged about 2 hours of sleep a day.  I think I survived because of the binge sleep days that occurred about 3 -4 times a month when I would sleep 12-14 straight hours. Ah, to be so young and indestructible!

My first pregnancy, in 1987-1988, was a sleep nightmare. That whole waking up 26 times a night to pee thing might be good preparation for the getting up with a newborn every 2 hours, but it nearly drove me insane.  9 months of never sleeping through the night followed by 6 months of the same, but with an infant!  Having a baby at age 22 and dealing with the brutal infancy stage was, in retrospect, a piece of cake, though. A 22 year old is resilient and strong. Later when I had my third child at 36 I became stupid from the lack of sleep immediately after her birth. She had acid reflux and for the first 2 months it was rare for her to sleep more than 20 minutes at a time.  Someone finally told me to take the wheels off of half of her crib so she would be at a slight incline.  I wish I could remember who told me that because I think they saved my life. 

But it was with the middle kid (I was 27) that the lack of sleep infancy stage was at it's most sad, but kinda funny.  I was (still) in college and, determined to graduate (on the 10 year plan) as well as determined to provide my oldest with a sibling, I timed my pregnancy so that the birth would occur in the few weeks between the end of the spring semester and the beginning of the first summer session. I was exhausted and my husband went on a long TDY in the Air Force about 4 weeks after she was born.  There was this dog next door that would bark all night long.  One night I was sitting in the rocking chair nursing and started actually hallucinating from a lack of sleep. There were ghostly shapes flying all over the room.  I freaked out and called my husband sobbing and he told me to calm down and go next door and ask the neighbors to do something about the dog.  I knocked on their door (it's like 2 am) and I babbled some incoherent story about seeing ghosts and hearing barking and I know they thought I was going off the deep end.  But they brought the dog in and I never heard it bark again. 

The consequences of spacing my kids out (they are now 25, 20 and 11) were that it wasn't until about 6 years ago that the opportunity to sleep straight 8 uninterrupted hours on a regular basis became possible again. No infants needing to be fed, no toddlers getting out of bed, no nightmares and requests for drinks of water.  No fevers or ear infections or upset tummies.  I think I had one good year of sleep and then, I turned 40.   Suddenly I was waking up at 3 am for no good reason?  Wide awake.  I asked my doctor about it and he said this was common for women over 40.  What the heck?!  This was cruel and usual. For about 3 or 4 years I tried everyone's suggestions:  make sure the room is cool and dark, keep to a schedule (as if), don't eat or drink anything several hours before bed,etc.  Nothing really worked.  And then, for no apparent reason, I just started sleeping better again.

Sometimes I still wake up at 3 am but I fall back asleep.  These days I feel like I've come full circle  - back to those Algebra homework days, only with books.  I have so many books I want to read and the only time I have to read is at bedtime.  I try. so. hard. to stay awake and read but generally I'm snoozing after only a paragraph.  And the next thing I know my alarm clock is going off at 6 am and I groan and wish for the weekend (when I wake up at 6 am anyway, but at least I can go back to reading my book!

From Me To You

Shelf of Love: Gifts my kids made me in school over the years

This is the story of how I came to be in the process of opening a gift store focused on a child's shopping experience in the Rolling Oaks Mall this year.

During the holiday season of 1997 I participated in the absolute best PTA fundraiser ever. My oldest daughter brought home a flyer in her backpack that said:

"Bring your child to Santa's PTA Holiday Gift Store tonight to shop for his/her family, friends and teacher!" 

Despite the short notice (don't get me started - see previous blog post), I was intrigued. At this point in my life I had a 4th grader and a 4 year old, we had moved 9 times in 11 years as a military family, and I was tired and pretty close to running out of innovative kid gift giving ideas. Here are a few of  our holiday gift-giving ideas for gifts from the kids: 

A poem from 5 year old Ariel to me

• Draw pictures
• Write songs
• Write poems
• Exchange stuffed animals 
• Coupon books
• Things they brought home from school
• Dollar Store
• Walmart

My oldest was an accomplished artist very early on, so the picture drawing was always fun for her. You'd think it was a cheap option too- but it always seemed to involve an expensive trip to Michaels for special paper, pencils, and all the trimmings. Poems and songs were fun too.  I've framed and hung some of the poems and pictures in the house over the years. 

The year where we discovered the "coupon book" was awesome, and we've used that one many times since. My current coupon book is a little low on foot massages. I may have to start dropping hints to Zoe for Christmas 2013.

Love!

Exchanging stuffed animals only works when they are really little and it can't be that special one, of course. But the selection, wrapping and giving process was pretty neat. The girls did adoption certificates for each others' animals along with "Care and Feeding Instructions." 

The stuff they sporadically brought home from school was usually just for me, mom; a couple of years, dad got lucky too.

The harder years were when they got a little older and started throwing around words like "allowance." They seemed to think I should give them a budget and turn them loose in the store with cash. Which I've done. Those were not the best years.  They usually involved crowds of people in Wal-Mart.  Ugh. 

Another favorite:  Have you ever taken your kid to the store, pretended not to "look" while they picked out your gift AND while you stood in line and paid for it?!  Well, I have. Sure there were a few years their father took them, but the burden was usually mine. 

So, back to that intriguing flyer. We decided to go to the school gym for this fundraiser. Here's what happened: we walked in the door where we were greeted by a high school student "Elf" who took both the 4th grader and the 4 year old (bonus!) to a small table to fill out a "gift wish list."  I was asked by one of the PTA organizers what my child's "gift budget" was (i.e. what was the amount I was willing to donate to the PTA). The Elf was told what my child's budget was and they completed the wish list.

Then they disappeared behind a curtain to "Santa's Shop."  About 15 minutes later the 4th grader emerged, proudly toting a big brown paper bag with a straw handle, followed by the 4 year old toddling behind her with a similar bag. These bags were filled with small clumsily, but lovingly wrapped gifts for me, my husband, each other and their teachers. The kids each had a bag of "under the tree ready" Christmas presents! Oh the joy! Oh the happiness! They were beaming. 

Both girls were so very proud and pleased with themselves after their trip to Santa's Gift Shoppe. On Christmas morning they were so excited when we opened the gifts. Mine was a mug. I think it said "mom." I don't remember any of the other gifts, but I'll never forget the girl's faces.

I only lived in Virginia that one year. In 1998 I was back in San Antonio and have been looking for that kid-shopping-gift-giving opportunity ever since. 

To be honest, what actually happened that night at the fundraiser and what I've filled in and embellished over the years are all jumbled together now and comprise my vision for our store: "From Me To You": care/of Big Brothers Big Sisters.  I've thought about trying it as a fundraiser for so many years that I've added to it for 15 years and now it's going to happen. :) 

Save Your Pennies, Kids!

Next Saturday, October 26, 2013, we are having a "preview" of this store (if we manage to be ready in time.) The mall has an event called "Boo Bash" and a thousand kids have been invited. We are inviting everyone we know too and giving out piggy banks to all the kids and inviting them back for our Grand Opening on Black Friday. They'll be able to see samples of what we'll be selling, and we want their feedback on gifts we might not have thought of. We'll also be asking parents what they think of our comfy waiting room and how we can improve that for them. The store is separated into 2 halves: the gift shop and the waiting room. Both sides are visible from outside the store through the mall's glass shop windows.

I will be posting pictures as soon as I have them. 

"From Me To You" care/of Big Brothers Big Sisters Gift Store

The store will only be open for 26 days, until Christmas Eve. 100% of the proceeds will go to Big Brothers Big Sisters and all contributions towards a child's shopping budget are tax deductible. Donations can also be made to the organization in honor of anyone you'd like to buy a holiday gift for. You'll be helping an at risk kid get a life saving, life changing Big Brother or Big Sister however you choose to participate. 

Hope to see you all there! 

Baubles and Trinkets and Knick-knacks, Oh My!

Mind control marketing

So, orange is really not even a color I particularly like, except in October for some reason. When the stores start setting up those enticing displays of pumpkin, witch and ghost related trinkets some uncontrollable chemical reaction goes off in my brain and I start to fill my cart. Granted, these displays start showing up now in August. I saw Halloween stuff out in the stores before school supplies this year!  And I so virtuously avoided buying anything .....at first.  I would resist and then send victory pictures to Lacey, my number one addiction counselor (see earlier blog post "A Problem with Pumpkins"). She would dutifully congratulate me: "Yay, Mommy!" or "I'm so proud of you." And I would smirk that virtuous smirk all the while knowing I wasn't fooling anyone. But I don't think I broke down and bought anything this year until mid-September at least!  Now that's restraint!

OMG

So anyway, as a result of years of this cart filling, I've now filled a large house with Halloween baubles and knick-knacks galore. And I have to admit that I'm not some creative genius who has arranged artful groupings of carefully selected pieces around in strategic places to create pleasing holiday visuals for the eyes. No, it's just stuff. Everywhere. I've packed away all the normal things I usually have out during the rest of the year on counters and shelves and tables to make room. It's kind of like a store. In a house.

To be clear, we have particular preferences for our Halloween stuff. We like the smiling pumpkins and the not too scary witches, the white, friendly ghosts and the dancing skeletons. Not the scary stuff, ugly monsters, skulls, bloody anything or anything with scars.  And nothing too angry looking. That's right, we keep the Happy in Halloween in our house! The older two kids were never really into the too-scary and Zoe still clings to me in Party City during the season. So we keep it light. 

We especially love Halloween sno-globes and picture frames and candles, oh! the candles, all those delicious fall scents: pumpkin, cinnamon, cider, apples, berries, nutmeg, hazelnut, caramel, rum and all the vanillas.  Also, any decoration that dances is good.  Here are a few fun pictures of the current decor.  Inside decor, that is - outside to be highlighted in a future post.  As a new neighbor that I just met at National Night Out told me, "I know what house you live in, it's the one with all that Halloween stuff."  (This from a man who puts a giant spider in his front yard.) 

Happy Halloween!

More Happiness!

Halloween happiness in the kitchen window sill

Silliness

Mr Potato Head Ghost

Random baubles

On the wall, in the kitchen

Witches live here

Halloween Village

You can "blow out" the flame :)

Books!

He's so cute, right?!

In the library

A Must Have, of course

This is scary as we get

Is this too much...?

Cackles, Cauldrons and Cobwebs: our Costume Craze

I'm a witch!

I think I'm about 7 years old in this Halloween picture from my childhood.  My brothers and I look pretty happy, don't we?  Halloween still makes me pretty happy.  My transformation from normal, happy Halloween-is-fun type person to certified addict happened gradually, over time - but there were a few important catalysts (and by catalyst I mean where we should place the blame).  

First, there was my oldest daughter's competitive streak, discovered in 1998 when we found out that our new neighborhood had a Halloween Costume Contest.  Ariel decided to enter, and win. This competitiveness came out of the blue; to my knowledge she had never participated in a contest before. Here she is in 1998, in that first contest, with her sister.  Not only did she not win, but her little sister won an honorable mention ribbon because the judges thought her Aladdin's lamp was so cute.  This was valuable insight:  judges love the accessories. 

Jeannie and Jasmine

The next year Ariel took it up a notch as Cleopatra, and won second place.  

Cleo and Minnie

In 2000 she finally took home a first place trophy as a Gypsy, incorporating some serious "accessorizing:"  This was also my first and last experience with purchasing and handling dry ice. 

It bubbled up pretty cool and she offered to tell the judges their fortunes.

After the dry ice debacle, I thought it couldn't get more challenging, but then Ariel decided to be Amelia Earhart in 2001.  I thought she was crazy, but she won first place again.  Lacey also took home her first trophy that year. 

Ariel brandishing her trophy.  Lacey, aka the Wizard, never broke character.

This was only the beginning, as you know if you have read my blog post that began with a picture of the Trophies My Kids Have Won in Costume Contests.  That 1998 contest started a solid 10 year period of intense competition that resulted in the 19 trophies that I still put up on the mantle each year.  Here are a couple of my other favorite costumes from over the years:  

Dr Loco and Trailer Trash Barbie (on her own "stand"!)

Lacey as Happy Grapes!

The best costume ever - Zoe the Baby Turkey (costume by my talented sister in law)

We have also done a lot of recycling over the years.  All three of the girls have been witches and bunnies and fairies.  Cleopatra,  Raggedy Ann and Little Red Riding Hood have had a lot of play as well.  

Zoe as Cleopatra (6 years later recycled headdress)

Ariel, age 3 in 1991, left and Zoe, age 2, in 2004 as Raggedy Ann

Lacey Red Riding Hood and her big bad wolf (granny-father lol)

I have to admit that the costume making and wearing did not start in 1998.  Here is one of my favorite Halloween costume combos from early on, this one of Ariel and Lacey in 1995.  

Ariel, the witch, and her black cat, Lacey

Ariel is 25 now and living in Ft Lauderdale, Florida working as a journalist for the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, but she is still dressing up.  She is very involved with a local "Live Action Role Play" (LARP) group, which I understand is vampire-inspired.

Ariel, age 17 in 2005

 Ariel and Lacey were more competitive but these days Zoe "just wants to dress up."  So we haven't done any contests since 2009.  All the fun and none of the pressure, that's Zoe!  :)  Here are a few of Zoe: 

Zoe Red Riding Hood

Zoe the Flapper

Zoe the Leprechaun with her pot of gold

Zoe as a Pirate

Zoe as Flamenco Dancer

And of course I cant leave out Bramble, whom you may have met in an earlier post:  "Just a Stuffed Rabbit."  He has been dressing up since 2006 when he was a "witch ghost."  If you follow him on Facebook you can vote for his 2013 costume.   

Bramble as: Devil, Bee, Pharaoh, Pirate, Jester, and Witch Ghost

I havent done as much dressing up myself over the years as I have dressing up others.  But one year, Christian, my "Little Brother" asked me if I would be a cheerleader to his football player, so of course I had to do that!  

Chris and Me

And I have famously worn my "pumpkin dress" many, many times over the past 20 years.  

Ariel, me and Lacey in 1994

So the first thing that intensified my Halloween obsession was the costume contests - but the second was the sudden proliferation and widespread availability of cool, cheap Halloween stuff everywhere. I started to see cute little orange baubles at every turn --and I could not resist.  Stay tuned for more on that in my next blog post:  "Baubles and Trinkets and Knick-knacks, Oh My!"

Costumes over the years...