Imagine if my Mom and Dad had acted like our leaders today

I’m really stressed out about how our leadership can’t manage to work together even when there’s a life and death pandemic going on. Last night I heard one of our local leaders say in a press conference that one of our state leaders made a bad decision. It made me squirm. 

Shouldn't they have consulted first about what to tell us all!?  So as not to incite confusion?  Or division? 

Imagine what it might have looked like if my mom and dad had acted like that. Kind of like this, maybe? 

Me, to my 3 younger brothers and sister: “Let’s go out and play.”

My Brother: "Are we allowed?"

My Sister: "Let’s ask Dad."

Me: "OK." 

Us, to Dad: "Can we go out and play?"

Dad: "It’s not good. Lots of danger out there. Mom, what do you think?" 

Mom: "Oh, let them go out. What can happen?" 

Dad: "A lot. A lot can happen."*

Mom: "Oh go on kids, go play." 

Dad: "No, kids, don't go."

Me, and my siblings, looking at each other smugly: These people are idiots and know nothing. 

Us conferring in the front yard after this useless guidance: 

Me: "Let’s go out and play!"

Sister: "But Mom said..."

Brother: "But Dad said..." 

Me: "Let's go!" 

Siblings: "OK!"

And off we would go, for better or worse.

I’m thinking this whole thing could have looked much differently, if our leaders were more on the same page and could work together more effectively. Maybe it could go like this: 

Us, to Dad: "Can we go out?"

Parents (after consultation): "You can go out, but only to the end of the street, and here is why." 

Us:  "OK." **

Is it too much to ask that our elected leaders work together? Is it too much to ask them to put aside their differences, and stop with the finger-pointing and name-calling, and blaming each other for everything, and to help us all through this unprecedented crisis? Is it too much to ask for leaders I can be inspired by? Leaders who don’t call each other idiots? Leaders who don’t accuse each other of trying to kill Americans with bad policy, which I just cannot imagine is true on either side. 

Maybe I’m old and idealistic, and simplifying the issue, implying that people are like children, but this is how too much of our leadership feels to me today: like bad parents.  

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FOOTNOTES

*This was the 80's, and Stranger Danger fear was absolutely RAMPANT. 

**One of my brothers still might have ventured off the street despite being told not to. My sister may even have stayed home.  Because not everyone does what they are told, a lot of people are even more cautious than told to be, and with good leadership people feel more secure.  Also, Stranger Danger was not valid - look it up. This is not a political statement. And finally, actual good parenting is a much bigger topic than the pandemic, I'm afraid, and the subject of at least two prior blog posts of mine: one, two. 

A bit of normalcy

Traditions have never been more important than today.  I started this blog 7 years and 115 posts ago specifically to write about family traditions.  I've shared how important photos and parties and presents and music and holidays and a really special stuffed animal are to our family over the years.

This is why when I finally found a reliable egg dealer* in these COVID times, I went there 3 days in a row to get enough eggs for Zoë to be able to dye them for Easter. It was great. Just wonderful. She, in her typically witty fashion, made Corona, Quarantine, Lysol and Wash Your Hands eggs along with the traditional family names.  I can't wait to make them into Rainbow Egg Salad next week. Zoë has had a really great attitude during this crisis, for which I am very grateful, but she has her sad and mad moments.  I really wanted Easter weekend to feel like a bit of normalcy in all the anxiousness. So we did all the things - bringing Bramble, the stuffed rabbit, in for egg dyeing, finding baskets on Easter morning, and over-eating chocolate for breakfast. Her dad was even dressed for church when he came over to pick her up for lunch.

As a high school senior, she has already missed so much, including her 18th birthday, her UIL One-Act play theater competition, senior directed plays (which she had been looking forward to doing for 3 years), senior superlatives, theater banquet, her Summa Cum Laude ceremony, and getting her braces off.  We also just heard that both colleges she is considering have canceled freshman orientation and are creating an on-line check in instead. So lame. We are still waiting to see if graduation will even happen, but her graduation trip to NYC to see the Broadway play, Beetlejuice is now off too as Broadway is closed through at least mid-June.**

It really is such a loss of so many important rights of passage.  Just when all the hard work was pretty much done and seniors could relax and enjoy their last few months of high school, they went on lock down, like prisoners.  No proms, no parties, no closure on a period of their life that lasted for 13 years. That closure of childhood is so important for embarking on the next phase - endless adulthood filled with overwhelming responsibility. I think I am even sadder than she is because I am more aware of the depth of the loss.

So today, we surrounded ourselves with chocolate and bunnies and family memories, which when all of this is over, we will still have, for years to come. I'm not sure how all this social distancing will end, but I have already started thinking about what I can do over the summer to provide that closure for Zoë.  For now, she is very distracted with Animal Crossing. I bought her a Switch for her birthday. At the time I thought I was wasting $200, because she never had time for video games before, but it has actually been worth ten times its weight in gold to distract her in the lock down.  She is also playing with her sister, Lacey, in Connecticut, which is really sweet.

I can't make up for everything she has missed, but I can do my best to create new memories and traditions and reasons to celebrate and be grateful for all the things we have in our lives to enjoy.  Yesterday she shared the memory of the time in elementary school when she first heard that she was in the Class of 2020. She said: "I thought that was so cool, but who knew it would be such a disaster." That is just too sad of an ending for me. I will figure something out once this is all over if I have to spend my savings to do so.

But for now, I am letting her eat chocolate, play Animal Crossing and stay up late as much her heart may desire.

Happy Easter.

Hard at work 

Traditions

Most Witty

Bramble - this is his favorite holiday

Lacey and Ariel eggs

Easter morning

FOOTNOTES

*Target at 281 & Bitters, San Antonio, TX always has eggs. Limit 1 per. 

**Although Eddie Perfect tweeted me when I expressed our sadness about the play's cancellation, which was way cool.

Reminiscing on my House Arrest with Toddler period

I’m reading all the posts from parents about how they’re coping with the pandemic, and I’m reminded of my life in 1989 in my first 6 months in England, with a toddler.

Ariel, my firstborn, was 9 months old on December 20, 1988 when we flew to live in England as a military family on Lakenheath Air Force Base, about an hour and a half north of London. My husband was assigned to a squadron that flew F-111’s there, and life was very exciting for him. For me, not so much.

First of all, it was the 80’s, hence no technology. No email, no Internet, no FaceTime, nothing. We didn’t even have TV because I couldn’t figure out how to make the plug situation work, and we heard there was a TV tax. I had a big green rotary dial phone that I could make extremely expensive overseas calls on, but obviously only did that about 3-4 times a year.

I knew no one when we first got there. We stayed in quarters on the base for about a month or so and I did meet someone who became a lifelong friend there. But mostly I remember being jet lagged and tired, and seriously cooped up in a small space with a cranky baby. This is when I started smoking cigarettes again (after quitting while pregnant).

Jet-lagged in Base quarters.  

At first we only had one car. We bought a little Capri which I wrecked immediately (that’s a whole other fun story) and it took a while to get another. So mostly I sat around holding a baby, trying to read, and smoking (probably all at the same time, at times.  It was the 80's). I don’t remember drinking at all. Maybe that would have helped. ;)

But the real isolation and depression set in when we moved into our house out in the middle of the woods. I finished unpacking in 2 days, there were no other houses or neighbors, I had no car and it rained constantly. I remember long, grey days on end with nothing to do and no human contact (unless you count a demanding toddler, which is debatable).

Our English Gatehouse

As Ariel grew into a toddler (she had started walking at 9 months) I did a lot of chasing after her to keep her from killing herself (another story). She could climb over a baby gate at 10 months old, and I thought this was normal. I also read all her books to her sixty thousand times each. I told her a million stories. I tried to keep her busy with her toys and turning all kinds of other things into new toys. I wrote another blog post about how Ariel craved input from the moment she was born, but this period in our lives probably contributed to her voracious thirst for knowledge because I was so attentive to feeding it. We didn’t have a lot of stuff - compared to my 2 younger kids who became overloaded with toys. Sometimes I would lock us up together in the guest room so I didn’t have to chase her around, and lay on the couch bed for hours feeling sad while she toddled innocently around the room. I took some pictures, but film and developing was expensive so not nearly as many as we take now.  I remember interminable gatherings of stuffed animals.  

I never told anyone I felt sad or depressed. Not that there was anyone to tell but my husband. He worked long hours and it was often dark when he left in the morning and dark when he got home at night. He was tired too, but energized and excited. He told me stories at night about his day, which was one of my main recreational outlets. The other 2 were reading and cross stitching. There was literally nothing else to do besides cooking and cleaning, and the house was only like 900 square feet. I probably did over a hundred cross stitch projects in our first year in England, and not much after that period. I have always been an avid reader though, and this is probably what kept me from losing my mind in those first few months in England. Much like in my childhood, reading was my savior during this period. Of course, as anyone with a toddler knows, it’s a struggle to read and still be attentive to them, but I persisted, as if my sanity depended on it.  

It was winter and cold and rainy, so I hardly ever even got out at first. Ariel and I both got ear infections when we got to England that persisted for the first few months. She also had pretty much every other thing babies get, so I also spent a fair amount of time at the base hospital, mostly at night after my husband got home from work.  Combine the fear of her getting sick with the fact that I hate the cold and wasn’t going to take a baby out in the endless rain, I was in a bit of self imposed House Arrest when it came to exploring the woods around our house. There was also the time I looked out my living room window to see a man with a scythe whacking away in my yard (another funny story).  I was a 23 year old terrified new mother at this time (another thing I didn’t tell people) and although the young tend to think they are invincible, I was somewhat freaked out by strange men in the woods.  

There’s a happy ending to this story though. After the first 6 months in England it got so much better. Eventually I got a job, started back in college, made friends and we started doing a lot of traveling all over the country and in Europe. I also think that all that reading to Ariel really grew her brain because she was a genius in school, and I never had to work that hard in my life again.

So, I feel for all the moms in quarantine these days. I totally know how you feel. I don’t recommend taking up smoking, but have you tried cross stitch?

Cross-stitching 

Police Bear was very well read.  

I am from the south and this was not ok 

The guest room had the best heater and we spent a lot of time there

reading and reading and reading

I did my first 1000 piece puzzle in England and it hangs in my bedroom today

the sun finally came out and it was beautiful in the summer